Opera Is More Like A Melodrama

Thoughts on the Beginning of Doctoral Work

2011-09-10T07:49:00.000-07:00

Well, it has started.....and boy is it a full life! Part time work in town, then off to school in the afternoons. School includes an assistantship and classwork. Oh and did I mention the practice, study, research, and all that goes into the "school-thing." But I like it! Oh it is hard.....but very rewarding! Now, this is my lightest semester.....but I think I will still like it later.

I have already started work towards my dissertation in my first semester research class. It seems to be taking an interesting spin----could end up being on the value of the singing voice specialist, with an emphasis on the McClosky Technique! But there is time for that!

Overall, I like the classes, the school, and the professors. It is a different world over there......a hard and lonely one.....but at the same time, I do not feel at all empty inside. I enjoy sitting back, watching and listening....Don't know that I will ever figure them all out....but I don't feel like I have to.

I have some very talented students on top of all this. I love starting freshman! ;) Course, I barely look a day older than they do.....but they are so fun to work with! So out of it so far as school, discipline, and responsibility.....but I am hopeful that they will catch on soon!

Gotta run.....coursework calls!

Why God created brother-in-laws

2011-07-08T11:08:00.000-07:00

I got in trouble this past Sunday......At church......By my Pastor......

Reason: "It was Jake!!!!"

Explanation: I had been sick for about two weeks....which meant no singing for me. So this past Sunday was the first time in several days that I had actually sung....and I was rather enjoying it. Now, let me explain that I really do try to "tone it down" when I am singing with people. While education is wonderful....it does have its disadvantages in the singing realm....You see, you never seem to blend in after you have received years of vocal training. So I can honestly say that I think I was singing WITH everyone and not ABOVE everyone.

But oh no. That wasn't good enough. As I shared the book with my sister, suddenly a voice shouted, "Can it....you're singing too loud." Yeah. It was my brother-in-law. And as if that wasn't enough, the next thing I knew, he was imitating my singing. Then he started sliding. Then he tried singing like an opera singer.

So of course my sister and I were trying very hard not to laugh while Jake didn't even split a grin.

Later that night.....my pastor walked up to me and said, "What was all the smurking this morning." All I could say was, "It was Jake." To which Pastor replied, "And what was he doing." And I said, "Singing." Which of course brought laughter.

But as if that was not enough.....Wednesday night after church, I walked out to get in my car....remember, Vlad the Vibe. And from several feet off, as plain as day, the windshield wiper was sticking straight out. It had all the markings of a Jake-fiasco. Someone walking buy kindly acknowledged Vlad, "I see that hand."

So as you read the evidence....it is clear to see that God created Brother-In-Laws as a mere excuse to irritate, infuriate, shall I dare say humiliate those barely belonging to the family through the right of marriage. Shocking! Sigh! And yet.....a bit of a Chuckle!

When did they get to be so funny!

2011-06-10T08:56:00.000-07:00

Happenings of the week came to a head on Thursday! But we must start at the very beginning, which is always a very good place to start.

As you remember, my weekend came with a pat on the back to myself for being the cool Aunt.....You may also remember that we had Humorous Andrew, Helpful Esther, and Unhealthy Avery......

Unhealthy Avery got worse and blessed us all with an appendectomy! I mean, we go all out in this family......But do not fear....his recovery is going well.....he was eating ice cream by Monday night!

But the week progressed, as did the very toasty weather......Leading up to a pleasant Thursday at the zoo. Now, if you never think of me again, at least remember this about me when you hear my name: I LOVE to go to the zoo. It brings out the kid in me! There is something fascinating about those poor pinned up animals that feel as though they must perform for us lowly human beings in order to be noticed. They have no clue that we actually paid money to come see them, whether they were sleeping or doing jumping jacks!

Julen gets the award for daytime humor. From the moment we knocked on his door to the moment we stepped out of the car, he was screaming and clapping his hands. He knew where he was going....and the rest of us had better be on board.....or else! I do believe his favorite is the walrus.....he has this dog-like way of communicating with the big oaf.....He barks at it while it swims back and forth.....I am sure he will die of embarrassment someday at the pictures we capture! He was also thrilled to play on the playground slide.....coming down numerous times.........What joy there is in a piece of oversized plastic! Amazing.

I must say....the tigers were cool. The bats grossed me out! The penguins put on quite a show during feeding time......There was one hot shot who felt like he deserved all the food.....that was interesting.

Needless to say.....we were all pretty shot on the car ride home....I mean, looking at zoo animals just about does one in! But boy did the nephews pull out all the stops when we got home.....When did they get to be so funny! Avery does his best not to laugh due to a few incisions that remind him of his recent surgery......he has definitely put a new defintion to the term "silent laughter"--mouth hangs open immensely, slight tension in the neck muscles, air escaping in intervals, face contorted into a painful humorous state, no sound is emitted!

Oh yes, and then there was the spitting contest.........Avery's version: lips pursed, air compressed, spit flying. Andrew's comeback: mouth open, tongue wagging, air moving, spit flying.....

Oh wait.....then there was the back porch deck humor.....we heard all of the "your mom" jokes, plus a few blonde ones......Avery took out a piece of gum on the floor with his BB gun....Andrew gave his rendition of the seal trainer playing with the seal. Oh yes, and let us not forget the flyswatting contest.....

I thought last Friday was rough on the abs! Last night was even worse......my laugher is definitely picking up power! I am sure I am losing multiple calories in this humorous endeavor.

Did I also mention that I found out Avery has been playing with my Mace/Pepper spray.....apparently it colorful nature is orange......So beware all of you jailbirds....if you get hit with this stuff, you are marked for life!

Being a Cool Aunt

2011-06-07T11:18:00.000-07:00

There are very few times that I get to have my nephews and niece all to myself. But I was the lucky one this past weekend! As we started toward Anderson, I found myself wondering what a 28 year old single girl did with three kids---2 teenage boys and one little girl. "BE NORMAL"...I told myself. Ok.....so I proceeded to do normal things.

We got home, and I let them do their things....Avery, who was not feeling well, went directly to the couch. Andrew went upstairs to check out the movies I had rented from the library. Esther stuck by my side, begging to help with dinner. How could I refuse!!!

So we puttered around the house for a few minutes.....then, with 2 out of the 3 begging for dinner....I proceeded to make us a simple, but winner of a meal--grilled chicken, steamed greenbeans, mac and cheese, and leftover corn and baked beans. It was a smorgousboard!

Andrew made the call to have dinner upstairs, Avery continued to sleep, and Esther continued to ask, "Now what can I do?"

So dinner was prepared slightly after 5......all ate while watching a Combat....then we went our separate ways to play. Avery watched movies, Andrew shot hoops, and Esther and I played volleyball and trampoline.

And boy did we bounce....I haven't laughed so hard in a long time! She sure wore me out! But I did recover in time for Avery to ask if we could all watch Madagascar's Escape to Africa. And yes....for the next hour and a half all three laughed and "sang"--I like to move it move!

Round two of movies found the kiddos insisting that I watch 4 episodes of Stargate. I agreed as long as Esther did not commentate. Then came the snacks. We each had our own popcorn, and they ate candy.

Midnight brought bed----and boy did we drop dead! Only to arise the next morning--me at 8, Esther at 9:30, Andrew at 10:30, and sickly Ave at 11:30. So from 9-12:30 I was fixing breakfast, or rather brunch, or rather lunch, or whatever it was for them.

But of course I cannot leave out the fascinating conversations. Esther wants to be a pediatrician. Oh, and just for the record...I will never have to watch another Stargate Episode.....Esther told me about each one. And what does one discuss with 2 teenage boys? Guns of course! And we did! :) For a whole hour. Then off to more movies and outside play.

By the time their mom got here at 2....I was worn out! :) But what a weekend worth having! :) I officially moved up to the cool aunt status.....And why is that? Well, I rented Madagascar and Air Force One......What can I say! Oh, and they each got 4 sodas between Friday and Saturday! :)

Time Zone Disaster

2011-05-18T09:33:00.000-07:00

So I was in Wisconsin, as many of you know (that that oodles of you are reading my blog...but....). I traveled back through Chicago to sing at my former church, then hopped in the car to reach Indy by the 6:00 evening service. I had purposely left my car clock on Indiana time so that I could get to church somewhat on time. I was doing pretty good too! Made it by 6:30 and got the whole message.

I traveled home with my family. As usual, we sat down to watch a movie and the news--or something like that. I was surprised to find that I was not too tired when it was time to go to bed. I had a meeting with a Ball State Professor at 10:00 Monday morning. So I went to bed promptly in order to get plenty of rest for the early morning.

You know I couldn't figure out why dad was taking trash out at 5:30 that morning...nor why I did not hear mom leave at 8:15. Oh well! I did my thing--exercised, showered, and went down to enjoy breakfast and coffee at 8:45. As I sat chomping on my piece of toast, reality struck. The stove clock said 9:47. Then it hit me! I had once again forgotten to switch my alarm clock back to Indiana time.

ha ha ha......... :( Sigh...Panic...Pick up phone...Obsessively dial......

Needless to say, I was more than ready and "on time"---by Illinois and Wisconsin time. The professor laughed, and we rescheduled for Tuesday at 10:00. I did make that appointment, to be sure!

Why can't the world be on one time zone! It sure would solve a lot of problems, primarly tardiness and confusion.....not to mention lack of sleep when you are on the wrong receiving end of that time change!

It's Me....ha ha ha

2011-05-10T15:57:00.001-07:00

Back again! :) Thus begins the summaries of Shellie Beeman. Life post-Wisconsin. We'll see how long this happy go lucky attitude stays put. But it is here for now.

I guess I am not quite post-Wisconsin......although it is about a 87-13 perspective. As I sit here, currently in Wisconsin, listening to the little bird chirping away outside......I take a moment.....reflect on my day.......

Started last night actually.......yesterday really.....so let's call it a week-thing....Gave two exams.....came home and graded....took a break to do some gaming with friends. Oh yeah...pretty sure I set an all-time record....the only all-time record I will ever have.....I actually won! :) Fair and square......came back....graded til, oh, 1:00.....got up and graded this morning....went to the office, met with a student....graded some more.....went to lunch. I NEVER skip lunch....or dinner for that matter....or breakfast.....anyway.....gave a lesson....graded some more.....met with a student......cleaned up the office and came home........and here I sit.....guess the rest of the story will come later.....

You know I am actually one of those weirdos who enjoys grading. I hate giving grades....but I like grading.......I LOVE grading papers.....mostly because I feel like I am actually writing them with all my OCD comments that I mark the pages up with. I can't help it. I see it as cheering the student on to do better......

This really is fun to me...... AH......life....teaching....knowledge! :) What more could you ask for.......That question will remain unanswered for the present time....

Such was a normal day in the life of Shellie Beeman..........

What joy there is in family memories

2010-12-04T13:18:00.001-08:00

Today, my sister sent me the following story. It was so descriptive that I felt I could see each part of it, as if it were right in front of me. What a delight my family is to me. Life does come with its hardships. And yet, how gracious God is to give us small glimpses of glory through memories like this! To think that to be just like this child, coming in simplicty and trust, we can have all the love and attention of our Heavenly Father.

"Once upon a time, there was a little boy born on March 30, 2010 to a beautiful mommy. God saw fit to take his beautiful mommy home. As He took her home, He looked down and saw two people who needed to be brought even closer together. He looked down and saw a family amidst struggles of their own in need of hope. So God blessed two people with that little boy, and in turn sent a ray of hope and sunshine to a family who were surrounded by struggles and hardships but looking to God to deliver them. He delivered a little boy and opened up the hearts of those around him.

Today, I took Julen out to play in his first snow and made him a snowman. He laughed and laughed when I threw snowballs at Arwen and she jumped in the air trying to eat them! He tried to catch the snow flakes, he even tried to mow the snow! When we came in for lunch, I stood in the kitchen listening to him jabber and jabber in my room, and come to my door trying to tell me something. I watched him run back into my room and glanced around the corner to discover him looking out my window at the snowman, they must have become fast friends!

This year Jake and I have experienced many firsts, and are about to experience our first Christmas with a little one. But we were reminded this morning of the happiness he has brought to our lives, I was reminded of how magical simplicities can become when the smile of your child stares back at you!

God blessed Jake and I with this little miracle, but I truly believe He brought Julen in our lives because amidst the struggles we face we are reminded that his start to life was a struggle, but he still smiles and laughs, he still looks at the world through rose-colored glasses, and he still lives his little life with every ounce of heart he has!"

Thoughts Galore......for another time

2010-11-28T08:25:00.000-08:00

Wow! It has been so long.....but then it always is between blogs. I just haven't had the time since I left for Boston this summer and returned for the semester! But today, as I sat home sick, I thought I would pen a few words.

Sick, you say. Yes! I should have seen it coming. I go, go, go, and boom the minute I stop going---like Thanksgiving Break!---I get sick. This one started with headaches and such a week ago! By Wednesday before Break, it was a little bigger than I anticipated. But despite the achiness, I still accomplished much over the 4 day weekend. Perhaps someday, I will really slow down! :)

As I sit home today, doing some work on my next Methods Lecture, so many thoughts hit me. About the time I think the tears are over, they start all over again. I was never an emotional person (in this way, anyway! Those who know me best, know that sparks often are flying under the surface. Walls between you and the world can be both a bad thing and a good thing). But as I thought of this thing called investing in people, I realized once again how hard it is to take that risk. This semester brought so much change within me---letting down my guard, being more vulnerable than I ever had been. So many of my kids have commented on it this semester. "Miss Beeman you are different this year." They always ended that by saying, "In a good way. You are more real." I hope that is a good thing. Transparency can be taken too far. But in the end, I will leave this semester knowing that I love my students and the friends I have made here. This is when I feel most like Job. God did not return his children to him, nor did he replace them. But He did give him more. I do not believe Job ever forgot his first children, but I do believe he had room in his heart for his new children. I hope the same will be said of me.

Yes, these thoughts are heavy this round. I do not mean to be down. And at heart, I am not. I know God is good. He has brought some things about this year to show me that He intends to show me greater and mightier things than I can imagine. It is hard to wait with joy and patience. But nonetheless, here I sit, waiting---working on the joy and patience part. I often have to remind myself that God brings things in our lives that seem slightly "out of season" for a loving reminder to trust and depend on Him only. He does not accept the "I don't have time for this" or "I don't want this" or, well, you fill in the blank. He does accept the gratitude for each circumstance. I don't think I have gotten there---I know I have not gotten there. But I am learning that God takes even my mistakes, and makes them perfect within His will, for His glory, and my good.

I wish I could share everything going on inside my brain.....but for now, this will do! :)

How will you choose to live?

2010-05-23T16:41:00.001-07:00

Time flies when you are having fun! I often wonder if this statement is really true.... because, for what it is worth, time flies whether you are having fun or not. The big question is......Are you willing to have fun with it? Perhaps I have shared this story before, but I had a professor in college who often said to me, "Life is like a roller coaster......you can either spend the ride screaming out of fear...or sit back, throw up your hands, and enjoy it."

Many times in my short life I have come back to this statement. It is so very true. Life is made up of choices. How will we choose?

I am naturally a pessimistic person. It has taken me years to just get to the point in life that I currently find myself to be able to consider happy thoughts about each and every circumstance that comes my way. Oh, there are times that I still find myself dwelling on the problem before coming to the choice and perspective stage. But I can honestly say I have come to live my life one day at a time---doing my best to choose the optimistic perspective. I definitely know when I choose to be negative. I enjoy it for a day, then get back to reality. Life is what you make of it. Life is how you choose to see it. Life is a gift that God meant to be all about HIM. We have to choose to look up to him. We have to choose to acknowledge the hope of His promises. We have to choose to walk optimistically by FAITH. Oh, it doesn't mean life will be a bed of roses with no trials, no bad thoughts, no unhappy endings, no painful memories, no regrets. But when we look up and forward, failures tend to become stepping stones to a successful life in Christ.

I look back over this past year. Time really did fly up here at Northland. I miss the kids already---and summer break has just started. But I find myself thankful for the time I have from May to August to actually sit back and think about this past year. Really, my life is and has been so simple. I kinda like it. So different from the swirl of Chicago. However, simple does not equal easy. Oh, this past year has had its hardaches and trials. But I find myself so often saying to myself, "That's just life." The older I get, and the more I settle down into a perspective of "what does God have in this", the more life seems bearable. Not easy, but livable because of hope, because of His promises. Because of HIM. And it stops there----there doesn't have to be a reason, a reward, a repayment. It just makes life simple.

These are my thoughts today. I know there will be day when I need to read this blog over and over for the reminder. But I hope I can continue to live inside the little saying by one of my favorite people up here, our Chancellor: We would be a whole lot better off if we spend time talking to ourselves, rather than listening to ourselves.

So what is the secret to having fun on this roller coaster ride of life? Well, how will you choose to live? Will you enjoy the ride for what it is, for what God allowed it to be? Or will you hold back with fear and despair? It is a choice, you know..............each and every moment of the day.

Saying Goodbye

2010-01-24T15:36:00.000-08:00

Saying Goodbye comes in many different forms. Some are happy, some are sad, and some, well.............are both really. But one thing is certain, they are never easy.

Tonight I listened to my sister say Goodbye to her dearest friend. In these last few hours I have found myself saying Goodbye to my dearest friend all over again. It doesn't get easier. Time may heal hurt, but it does not erase memory. I listened to my sister cry. I listened to her hurt. And I found myself wishing I could make it all go away for her. And yet I can't.

Death is not always a bad goodbye. It's just hard. I sat, after our brief phone conversation, thinking of that day years ago (well not so long ago, I guess) of when my best friend was killed. I didn't even get to see her. It was a closed coffin funeral. And yet, as I have talked with my sister these last few weeks, I do not know which is easier---seeing it all or never seeing. I guess the thought that hit me, is that it really is true. God knows what each of us can handle. My sister is strong. She has sat by her friend's side for weeks, holding her hand, talking with her, watching her to the end. And I wonder if I could have done that.

It doesn't matter. God bring into each of our lives exactly what we need to make us stronger people, and by that I mean individuals who become more dependent upon Him in our weakness.

Saying Goodbye is not always bad.......it just isn't easy. It is always with us, popping up to remind us now and then that our time here is brief. Make the most of it.

Bad Vlad

2010-01-22T15:22:00.001-08:00

I officially have a beeper! Yes, I am one of those people that I have spent my life until this morning making fun of. Never again though. I will be most compassionate, as I am now one of those people whom most people hate.

First of all though, let me introduce you to Vlad. I met Vlad on my birthday. 2009 that is! :) I liked him a lot at first show, although I was slightly disappointed in a few things at our first meeting. But I held high hopes. The next few months brought a mild distaste of Vlad as a series of circumstances created some bad memories and expenditures. Life did settle down though, and by December, I liked Vlad. Missed him a lot over Christmas. I saw occasional things that reminded me of him, but nothing was quite the same as Vlad. I got back, we met up again, I was so proud of him. Even had a few funny moments.

Until this morning.

If you have not already guessed, Vlad is my car. Vlad the vibe. Doesn't that sound so cool! He is red, you know! I remember when I got him, the most fascinating thing to me was his set of keys that had keyless entry! Whoa! I had updated in the world.

Until this morning.

AS I walked out of my apartment at 6:30 this morning, it was cold, quiet, and dark. Most people are still sleeping at that time. Not this morning. As I walked along, all of a sudden I heard this beeping sound. Come on! How Rude! WHO would beep so loudly at 6:30 in the morning.

Ha! ME! My Vlad.

Apparently, my finger had held down that little red thing on my key that I always wondered about. 25 loud beeps later, I realized that I was now one of those beepers.

So annoying. To think that my car does that! Bad Vlad!

Humor Comes in All Shades and Sizes

2010-01-18T16:52:00.001-08:00

NO, I did not mis-spell my title. I truly meant to say "shades and sizes". The story goes like this.

I have a new car: a 2009 Red Vibe GT. I kinda am starting to like it and am quite picky concerning its treatment. I left it here all Christmas break---3 whole weeks. Of course I worried about it, but knew that I had left it in good hands. I returned to Wisconsin to find it unhurt and in beautiful shape, as the folks who car-sat for me wiped all the snow off. It looked quite good for the roads being so messy and every one else's car looking like mud dumps.

Then Friday night came. I had an invitation to a friend's house for Stromboli and games. I promptly arrived in time for pre-dinner chatting. Their ice machine had quit working, so he thought he would run out for ice. However, due to my parking location, either he would have to put a battery in his van, move my car and get his other vehicle out, or drive my car.

I of course was feeling rather kind, so I allowed him to use my car for his errand, cautioning him mildly to not wreck my car. I stayed behind and chatted with his wife. Minutes later her returned with ice. We sat down to eat and wait for our other friend and the games, when he announced, "Well, I didn't wreck your car, but I did the same thing I did to Tim's car......I turned too soon and went into the snow bank, so I had to dig your car out." I made light of it, but of course, felt someone apprehentious about my car.

We proceeded with a rather fun evening of food and games, and parted ways a little before midnight.

Saturday I woke to errands. I dressed and went out, briefly circled my car to see that there were no problems, and went on my way. While waiting to get air in my tires at a nearby auto shop, a little boy and his father walked in. The little boy looked up at me and said, "Did you know you have a green light sabre stuck under your front bumper." All I could say was, "Huh, I do?" To which, the father said, "Yes, a green light-sabre under your front bumper." I walked outside and sure enough, there it was, a green light-sabre under my front bumper.

Amazing. I mean some of us truly mean it when we carry around extra safety insurance. Needless to say, I did laugh the rest of the day, except for brief moments when I recalled that had the little sabre been even an inch lower, it could have torn my front bumper while backing up my car.

Anyway, I went to church Sunday morning, light sabre in hand. I laughed as I got out of my car as I pondered that some people carry their Bible to church. Me, I go for double security---Bible AND swords. I was prepared for the day.

I sat down in Sunday school. My friend's wife (also my friend!) walked in and started to crawl over me to sit down when she saw the light sabre. I grinned and said, "That's yours." She burst out laughing. Well, we both did.

Needless to say, between the light sabre, air conditioning on full blast, and windows fogging up, my friend did a number on my car.

Bumbling Beasts

2009-11-08T15:56:00.000-08:00

Hhhmmm......I look at the title of my blog and am amazed at all my entries. They do not quite spell DIVA. But oh well, such is life. It is too short to not have some fun----even when on the computer.

So my story----last week driving home from church I almost ran into something. Now keep in mind that since being here, I have seen a bear from a great distance, herds of turkeys----and yes I do say herds, as they do not know what a mere flock is, they seem to come in droves and herds as they meander and run across the path----ok rabbit trail------um, lets see. I have seen, bears from a great distance, herds of turkeys, foxes, eagles, deers by the truck load---sometimes dead----anyway. Lots of things. There are trees galore up here, but I guess I do live in the back WOODS.

Anyway. Driving home from church. Brights on---it does get dark at 5 pm here. Being very attentive to not hit a deer, and what bumbles across my path, but a rather large, hairy, black bear.

I am telling you people. I feel so cool. I get to see BEARS. UP CLOSE. IN PERSON. I mean I could shake their paws if I got out of the car, they are so close.

But then it makes me rather angry when I consider that I have now changed my cars name to something compatible now that I am starting to like him. Vlad. Vlad the vibe. (Rabbit Trail). It would make me very angry if something were to hit it. Yes, I might even have to throw a small fit if that were to happen.

And I am Back!

2009-10-04T16:43:00.000-07:00

I sit at home tonight, once again, due to this annoying cold that just won't go away. I woke up this morning feeling somewhat better, but now it is that cough that just won't shut up! Oh, well, at least it is on its way out! :)

But while I sat, I thought I would catch up here a bit.
I have been in Wisconsin all of two months! And I like it! Teaching here at Northland International University has and is teaching me so much! I am enjoying each new day, task, and person that comes along. Oh, not that it has all been easy and fun-loving. But when you enjoy what you do, the task doesn't quite seem too bad! Overwhelming at times and tiring, yes----but not too much.

I find myself in a cultural that is truly God-focused. Where people think the best of you until proven otherwise. Where the motivation of what you do is more important thatn what you are actually doing. There is something very freeing to me up here---the transparency and openness. I often find myself asking why they get it up here and others in the Christian sphere do not. But I guess that is not really what matters. What matters is that they are personally living it out. And maybe that is the answer to this question I have. The fact that each person here is or is being encouraged to live out their life wholly before God is real and at the core of this place makes a difference.

Do I miss my family and friends----YES. Everyday. Believe it or not, I even find myself with a tear in my eye from time to time. But I know God is keeping them and growing them. That brings comfort! I feel lonely sometimes, but not in despair. Knowing that this is where God would have me means so much! And it makes each day start so fresh!

Changes

2009-08-22T15:50:00.000-07:00

Life has a way of changing things.

What a reality! What a thrill!

It brings joy and laughter, sorrow and tears---but always an experience to learn from----always a building block to the future.

For me, it took place in the form of my recent move to Wisconsin to teach on Faculty at Northland International University! God is always working, always thinking of us, always keeping us on our toes as we live each day. This doesn't mean things will always be good, but they are always for our good.

In my instance this time, it appears to be both good and for my good. I am enjoying myself immensely. I will say that, just as I told a friend recently, knowing that the lives of others are somewhat your responsibility really makes you think! But I think it is something we should all contemplate. We cannot live life just for ourselves. What we do affects those around us in some way---big or small. I only hope that I do this future generation justice. With God's help, I hope to be gracious, loving, professional, and honest.

I am loving working on my class lesson plans, while still thinking through private lesson teaching. What a year it will be. I actually cannot wait to see my new students---and keeping in contact with my current ones in Chicago is always a treat. Getting my monthly lessons is the topping on my popcorn! ;)I will leave you all to guess which one I will use tonight! :)

Chicago

2009-07-16T14:25:00.000-07:00

One of my sisters recently asked me if I liked Chicago. The more I pondered this question the more I honestly couldn't come up with a definite yes or no. I actually think it is both.

I never was a city girl. So moving here was rather shocking to me---the pace, the noise, not to mention the being here on my own. It was definitely culture shock. I am always amazed at the friendliness I meet outside of Chicago. People here get used to rushing from one point to the other and rarely stopping to smile at the person passing them. The sad thing is, I got used to that!

Since being in Chicago, I have
1. Rear ended 2 cars
2. Got a photo ticket
3. Got a warning speeding ticket
4. Had my house flood
5. Seen 12 foot of snow at one time
6. Gotten lost going across the street
7. Said to myself more times in the last 3 years than in my whole life, "I live in a world of stupid people."
8. Considered using my pepper spray on 3 different occasions

However, since being in Chicago, I have
1. Been to the Lyric Opera to hear some of the worlds' most famous singers
2. Been to the Chicago Symphony and heard real, live, 20th century music
3. Walked Michigan Avenue and the Millenium Mile
4. Been to the Art Museum
5. Sung with 2 Opera Companies
6. Given multiple recitals/concerts
7. Worked with 2 Theatre Companies
8. Ridden the train downtown
9. Made another best friend---my prayer partner
10. Watched my sister run the Chicago Marathon
11. Seen American Girl
12. Toured Water Tower Place and found it too expensive to buy anything
13. Discovered some of my favorite places---Teavana, Half Price Books, the Library

And most importantly I have learned to survive on my own. So, I guess in short, yes, I like Chicago. I do not love it. It does not feel like home. But I have enjoyed it. It has had its purpose. But I do miss the more relaxed, friendly atmosphere of other places I have been. I have made multiple memories here---both good and bad, full of humor and full of tears. But my time here has been forward moving. There are no regrets!

Girl Time

2009-07-12T15:17:00.000-07:00

I just saw my sister off from a conference weekend she spent in Chicago. What fun! We haven't done that in, well, to be honest, in years! Staying up late chatting, running out to breakfast, chilling out with tea. So memorable and special. Even shared a rather deep laugh over, well, let's just call it an inside joke! :) Good times, fond memories. She got to see a rehearsal performance of Hello Dolly!, and I got to sit in on one of her days of conference workshops. I actually found myself quite interested in the various topics being discussed! And just chit chatting about anything and everything was so relaxing. It was great to have her here!

Breaking News

2009-07-07T07:32:00.000-07:00

Every one needs to know that after 3 years---well more than 3 years---of having her lap top, Shellie just today figured out that she was on Central Time and not Eastern Time. She finally got her time in the bottom right hand corner of the screen to read the correct hour/minute/time instead of always having to convert back one hour!

Congratulations, Shellie. A prize will be waiting at your doorstep sometime for this great accomplishment! Hugs, Kisses, Pats on the back, Bows, and many Hats off to you!

Back into the swing of things

2009-07-05T16:44:00.000-07:00

I just returned from a whirlwind 3 day trip that I didn't exactly expect. I mean, I anticipated it coming, but not this quickly. Not a bad thing though. Again it seems the big lesson for me this year has been flexibility and willingness. I saw some of the most beautiful parts of the country, met the nicest people, and had the most enjoyable time despite the fact that it was a full 3 days---packed with action! I did find some time to relax though over a July 4 (rather 3rd) concert and fireworks event.
I returned late Saturday and spent Sunday regaining some rest and getting back into the swing of things for this next week.
It will be a full week, but should be profitable. There is so much still to do and learn for Hello Dolly. I feel it is getting better though. And my students recital is coming up quickly. I am so excited for them! They have worked so hard.

I do have to interject here. On the way home, I drove past a clown---obviously, or hopefully, returning from his part in a July 4 parade. Or perhaps he was going to one. But then, in this day and age, he could dress like that on a normal basis.

Well, I am hoping to enjoy the week. I'll let you know by the end how it all went!

Random thoughts of week, friends, and family

2009-06-23T14:45:00.000-07:00

I recently had a friend tell me they were bored and asked if I had written any new blog. Sadly enough I didn't write her back because I had no new blogs. So I thought I would try to come up with something today. But at the moment I have nothing much to say.

Well that is a lie! I have much on my mind and much I could say, but in reality, I am not yet ready to talk about all of it.

So perhaps this blog will be dedicated to my week and my friends.

So far as my week. So far (and it is only Tuesday) it feel almost like a vacation compared to the last two months. This last month I had 3 performances back to back---all with rehearsals: A Gershwin Concert and Fundraiser, an opera performance downtown of Hansel and Gretel, and a Sacred Communion Concert at my church. In the midst of those were rehearsals for my summer performing venue, Hello Dolly. All went well, but I will admit that it is nice to settle into the one project.

I spent a weekend catching up with some unexpected things, then settled down to a friend/movie night following a day of an extended wedding celebration.

I have had a few moments to catch up with friends and family over email and phone. As I consider each of them, how I love them and am so thankful for each one. Good friends and loving family are such rare gifts! How I have come to treasure each one and truly look forward to building my relationship with each one!

Just not cut out for it!

2009-06-01T07:45:00.000-07:00

I have found something out about myself. Something very important. A bit disturbing, but reality and practicality must settle in!

I can't dance! At least right now. I just don't seem to have the inclination for it.

Being an artist, and an artsy person, and a deep feeling, emotional, shall I say romantic-leaning individual, I often envision myself doing ballet pirouettes and arabesques gracefully around the stage. It looks so easy. What beauty and elegance there is in this art.

Ha!

In two productions I am in this summer, I have found out that instead of gliding and leaping gracefully around stage, I rather clunk along and land heftily without so much as a 2 inch lift off the ground. How disturbing. I must be a sight for sore eyes, or at least a sight for Funniest Home Videos.

Oh well! All in good time. Perhaps this side of my art just isn't for me. Or perhaps someone will take pity on me and teach me. Or better yet, perhaps someday it will just settle in naturally and I shall fly around stage in my new found grace and elegance.

I'll keep you posted.

Moving on to the next one

2009-05-29T08:18:00.000-07:00

So Gershwin ended with what I believe was a successful night. Good food, good friends, good music, good times! Although I could not read the crowd at all during the concert, they seemed to enjoy it with comments they gave afterwards. We all had a few slips of memory, but all in all, it was just plain fun. Nothing like Gershwin and his jazz music to let loose and just have fun with!

I was thoroughly disgusted with my hair. Way too poofy! But oh well. Sometimes you just have to take what you get for the day! My skirt, well, had forever creases from months of folding in a box before laying it out several days ago. The wrinkles just wouldn't iron out. But the good thing is, they looked like pleats! :) HA! I think it passed for the night.

The room was packed and it seemed to be a successful night. I enjoyed catching up with old friends and making new ones! The food was fabulous, and after a couple rounds of coffee I actually felt like I woke up for the evening! Course, there is something a bit disturbing about having to be sure that you don't have anything in your teeth prior to singing. And when you do, you have to sit in this formal setting figuring out a way to pick the articles from you teeth without being overly obvious.

After snapping a few pictures, I returned home to power down over a book and snack. I must say, following any performance, it takes me about and hour or two to actually bring myself down. Last night wasn't any different. Around 12:30 a.m. I finally was able to relieve my mind into sleep mode. Redwall contributed greatly to that endeavor.

This morning, I awoke to beautiful sunshine and a brisk walk. Now I turn my focus to the next event: a Sacred Concert on June 7. With Gershwin out of the way, but still running through my mind, I turn my thoughts towards practicing for the next one. Yet one just as special and important as the last. Ah! What joy to sing!

Gershwin!

2009-05-27T11:59:00.000-07:00

You just can't beat Gershwin music! It is just flat out having a good time. And when you get the right people singing it, it just explodes with energy!

I have the privilege of singing with 3 other fabulous artists in a Gershwin Gala this Thursday night. I had met Magaly through other singing venues, and was looking forward to working with her again. John, well, I went to school with him. His voice has just continued to sound better and better. But then, I love listening to tenors! His personality goes a long way too! So easy going and fun. Brian was new to me. And when he walked in the door with Magaly, I thought my old friend from college, Greg, had returned to tease me. Their personalities, not to mention their looks were so similar. The main difference: Greg has dark hair, Brian does not! No worries.

What a group and what a fun night of rehearsing. I haven't had that much fun in a long time. We are singing some real classics for those of you who love to watch Doris Day, Gene Kelly, Fred Astaire, and Frank Sinatra. And the concert ends with I Got Rhythmn. Hilarious!

Add to this mix that we are all opera based singers, relaxing a bit and having fun both vocally and personally! What a riot!

Laughter, the best Medicine

2009-05-07T16:54:00.000-07:00

Life can at times seem so heavy. I often find myself exploring ways to make it feel lighter. Of course, I have also learned that some things cannot be made. You must let them happen. I am learning that vocally! The voice should be aloud to sing, freely and naturally. Not made or manufactured.

But getting back to original thoughts. The other day I had a friend over. We often get together for lunch or something fun and prayer. Always prayer! I have found it much needed in my life. I expressed to her that my spirit felt so heavy of recent days. That I felt joy inside, but not happiness. As we talked, I realized that joy is a knowledge based emotion centered on an object, while happiness is a feeling based emotion often centered on circumstances. Honestly that brought some relief to my spirit knowing that feelings are normal as long as we are resting in that perfect Object!

As we ended our time together, funny comments were made and I laughed. Then today as we chatted online, I laughed at the direction of our conversations. As I talked with my sister, the lightness and banter of the sentences typed caused a smile and a chuckle. What lightness I felt.

How laughter often affects our lives! I wish I did it more. But then, I guess it wouldn't mean as much if there weren't a time in our lives that we specifically remembered each moment of laughter and put it in our file of memory to pull on a rainy day.

Feeling like a Charity Case!

2009-04-23T14:27:00.001-07:00

I have come to a point in life where at times I feel like I am viewed by other's as a charity case. You see the looks of "Look at that poor thing." It is at those times that I want to shout, "I'm a real person too!"

It is obvious from the above statement that a story is soon to follow. So let's get on with it and let me share.

I was downtown Chicago last week for an interview lesson with a new voice teacher. Of course I was nervous. I wanted to get there on time, make a good impression, etc. But I also had the pressure of getting back on time to teach my 1:30 student. So after much debate of taking the train or just driving, I decided to drive. I hadn't been to Chicago in so long and was actually looking forward to the trip. I planned my entire morning from the moment I got up to the moment I expected to leave Chicago. Amongst the details of the day were meals, parking, money, and time limits. I was ready for the day. I packed my lunch, grabbed my coffee, made sure I had my parking money, and headed out the door.

Interlude: In determining how much money to carry, I factored in time and location. I also factored in that I was used to only getting my hour slot of lesson. In and out. No extras. If I calculated right then, it would only cost me 8 bucks to park, with 2 bucks to tip the valet. So I took out ten dollars.

I got downtown, asked the guy how much it would cost based on my situation. He told me, and I was correct. All that said, we figured I would be leaving the city around noon/noon fifteenish.

I headed to my lesson with plenty of time to get there and breath.

I had a fabulous lesson. As I headed out the door and towards the elevator, though, I glanced at the time. It was 12:30. She had gone over my lesson time! Yeah! What a teacher! And OOPS! My parking would cost more!

I rushed to the garage. As I came beebopping up, I could tell that the two attendants inside were talking about me. They were staring at me, chatting, and laughing.

As I walked in, all I could say was, "The story of my life. I am so behind." They laughed hysterically as they stated, "That is what we just said to each other. She must be running behind, because she is booking it." I rolled my eyes and laughed with them. What else could I do?

She tallied my bill and said, "Eleven dollars." Very calmly I grabbed my wallet and said to her. " I am going to be honest with you. I only have 10 one dollar bills, do you take debit or credit." Well, praise God for nice people. She looked at me and said, "10 is fine." To which I replied, "But how will I tip them." Her answer. "Tell them you'll get them next time and they will be fine."

I must have looked like something the cat dragged in. But I am so thankful for nice Chicago Parking Garage Folks!

What Not To Do

2009-04-08T09:30:00.001-07:00

The other day I had a friend over for lunch. I was so thrilled to be hostessing! :) Haven't done that in a while. We had decided to Panera Bread style it! Soup and Salad. I was sampling a new Chicken Noodle Soup. The Salad of course had the works---lettuce, carrots, olives, pepper, raisins, onion, celery, tomatoe, and a bit of dressing. As I was preparing, my hand hit the side of the Frig. I knocked off a paper from the side, picked it up, placed it back on the Frig, and went on with my Salad-making. I thought nothing more about it.

Lunch was ready when my friend walked in the door! I was so excited. She complimented on the sights and smells of the food. I was thrilled! I had made a good first impression.

We sat down to eat our salads. She commented on how tasty it was--perfect with both sweet, salty, and crunchy. Suddenly, as she bit down into yet another bite, she exclaimed, "What is that!"

From out of her mouth came this round-looking thing---similar to the olives, but bigger and harder. I realized that it was the magnet from the Frig. I was devastated and apologized profusely as I threw it in the trash!

Lucky for us both, it wasn't a first meeting. We laughed it off, and went on with our soup and salad lunch!

I learned a great lesson that day! Always check your food before dishing up!

Singing Again

2009-04-06T10:51:00.001-07:00

It was good to sing this weekend!

What profoundness and meaning there is for me in that simple statement. I found myself in concert this past Sunday, enjoying the moments of singing again. It seems as though it has been so long. At times during both concerts, I realized that I had lost myself in the music, the text, the message of the songs. What joy there is for me in that.

Neither were perfect concerts, but yet, I walked away knowing that that was ok. They don't have to perfect. They just have to be my best. They just have to minister to the listener. They just have to be sung before God alone. It was just good to do once again what I was truly created to do!

Not much of anything

2009-04-02T17:09:00.000-07:00

I haven't written in a while again! I guess the purpose of this one is to just update everyone---well the few that read it--and to really get back into the process of keeping up with my blog.

Today was the first of feeling a lift in my spirits. My poor family probably thinks I am nuts and about to die or just really mad at them all! Not of which are true, although I haven't done a great job of relating that fact! :) But I have been quiet this week. Much on my mind, and very contemplative. Thinking is dangerous for someone like me though. I really shouldn't do it!

What a week it has been, and what a month it is about to be! But good things, truly! I got to meet three other Illinois voice teachers and what a treat. I am about to take off in a season of performing! My students are doing so well and continue to progress. One just won her state competition! :) I am so proud.

I have had great times with friends these last couple weeks as well! Got to watch Bella and Enchanted. Two totally different movies, but both with great aspects! :)

Other than that, I will pick up with you later! Much is happening and I will have much to tell in the future!

I just want them to sing well!

2009-03-06T16:47:00.000-08:00

I have not yet come up with a way to explain my students that good, quality technique in their singing does not always equal opera star. Nor have I found a way to convince them all that just because their teacher is an opera singer, doesn't mean she expects them to be as well.

Bless their little hearts. I see the fear in all their eyes whenever I mention improving their technique and moving up a level. Then they stutter and stammer of how to explain to me that they don't prefer the opera sound. Poor things. They don't want to offend me, and they have not clue that they really don't. They only make make me laugh.

Yes, I had that delightful conversation again today with a student to explain to her that she may sing whatever she wants, but she must still sing well and healthful!

What is this misconception that our young people have that singing with technique equals opera. Singing with technique merely means singing healthfully and singing beautifully, whether they choose opera, broadway, etc.

Whenever someone finds a way to get this across, please inform me. I guess by the end of the conversation, I have cleared the air somewhat, but it sure takes a long time to explain. So I guess what I need is a quicker explanation!

Learning to Cope

2009-02-15T11:51:00.001-08:00

Wow! Do I have post performance blues today. There is nothing more disheartening than thinking you just about had it beat after the last audition, when it hits with the next.

Yes, friends, I just completed yet another audition last night. Another strange one where you feel like you took a breath, just got started, and never got to finish! This time, I literally wanted to look at the guy and say, "But you didn't hear what I could really do! You didn't hear my full voice, my coloratura, or my high notes." But I didn't. I just finished and walked off. I thought I was fine, but boy am I feeling it today. Really it is just the impatience of having thrown tons of options out there and none have come back yet. But man does it weigh on me. The reality is I must learn to cope with this emotion. I think perhaps I will always feel the emotion, but learning not to dwell and sink into it is going to be the key.

Again, this one was a good experience. I learned. I got out there. But boy it doesn't make it any easier to get up the next day having had no feedback. It is that mixed emotion of doing what you love and then having to see if anything pans out.

But truly, it went well. Once again, I got out there, auditioned, held up, and walked away knowing I had done my best. That is worth having.

A Happy Valentines Day

2009-02-14T11:42:00.000-08:00

Twas a quiet Valentines Day for me this year. Not a bad thing though. Some exaggerate on that painful loneliness on this lovey dovey day of the year. Me, I thought fondly of my family and friends, sending texts and emails wishing them all a Happy Day on this Valentines Day!

Mine was full. I worked on this holiday. And prepared for a music audition. Tis becoming the story of my life.........But be heartened that I sang of love!

In short, it was just another day! :) And to be quite blunt, I was ok with that. Although I did miss my family a tinge! :)

Wanted: Qualified Manager

2009-02-11T15:37:00.000-08:00

There is a part of my passion and profession which I absolutely hate! And yes, I do use that very strong adjective. That part involves the time spent in front of the computer doing busy, boring, paperwork---whether it is business or performing related. I just can't stand it!

Today I found myself all pumped to work on the program for my upcoming Concert. I did a promo flyer. Then I started in on the program. You know, people really have no clue what goes into preparing for a concert! I know that sounds divaish. I don't mean to be. But it really is hard, tedious work. Typing out composer names---none of which are in American. (Well, a few are). Typing out dates of guys way long dead. Putting in the foreign accent marks. Typing out translations of gushy love songs. Being sure everything is spelled right, even if it is in Old English form. Getting the spacing just right. Being sure no one is offended that their part of the bio page wasn't cut short. Getting the program to fit in just a certain amount of pages.

AHHH! I wasn't a computer major! Well, like I said, today, I was working on it. Poured over it for hours................................AND LOST THE WHOLE THING.

Ah curses!

But I did the right thing.....had the right response! PAT PAT PAT!!!! I just started again. But it is so irritating. I love singing. But I need a manager! That is all I have to say! Please someone come and save me from myself!

Settling into Uncertainty

2009-01-30T16:57:00.000-08:00

Tonight, I find myself not sure on what I wish to write. Upstairs plays a sentimental song from the piano. Yet I am not necessarily sentimental tonight. Thoughtful as always, but not sentimental. As I look back over the past days, so much I could write about swirls around: Auditions, Disappointments, Blessings, Memorable Chats, Tears, Laughter, Quietness of Evenings spent Reading, Noise of Long Nights of Rehearsals, Practice Sessions, Research, Students, Accomplishments, Frustrations.

But honestly, what sticks in my mind is the statement, "who you really are has become lost in what you have become." For weeks this phrase has reared its ugly head in my mind. Yet, not always so ugly. Sometimes, it is a gentle reminder to just be me.

Yet, who am I? To answer that question, I think I always know who I am. It just doesn't come out. But I feel inside who I am. Here recently I have appeared more often then I used to: sometimes on my own effort, sometimes with a gentle, yet convicting manner from God. I feel those leanings of personality that used to come so naturally and joyfully. But now, at this point in life, I am aware that to be genuine, they truly are a breath from God, lived out in human form, if we will allow Him to be our joy and our song.

Funny, my mom read me a verse yesterday that completely defines my very life, livelihood, circumstance, and calling: Psalm 28:7--"THE LORD IS MY STRENGTH AND MY SHIELD; MY HEART TRUSTED IN HIM, AND I AM HELPED: THEREFORE MY HEART GREATLY REJOICETH; AND WITH MY SONG WILL I PRAISE HIM."

Yet I am keenly aware that this joy of inner self is not manifested without a true yearning to please God. We cannot make it happen and live a fulfilled and satisfied life. Oh, life is uncertain. And that past weeks have taught me that in every way. Yet, there is a settling that we can have through this uncertainty. It comes from within---from a sincerity within that has given itself up totally to the control of One who knows all and deserves all.

This is who I should be. This is who I was created to be. In a sense, I can say this is who I am----it just needs some Strength and Shielding.

There is a First for Everything

2009-01-22T17:33:00.000-08:00

So many times in our lives we experience a first moment. Just about when we thought we had been through it all, that one things pops up. It happened to me today.

As I have journeyed and continue to plug along this road toward my dream of singing, each moment has been so new for me. I don't know how many times I have emitted the very words, "I feel so behind, so naive, so inexperienced!" And still I do---even after all I have been through and have experienced.

You know, I look back.............I have been through many competitions, many plays, performed many solos, concerts, and in many ensembles. I mean, it isn't like I haven't been up there and out there. I've auditioned in front of friends and strangers. Each brought a new feel, a new experience.

But I will admit that I was not ready for the disappointment I felt today.

Today, I received my first professional rejection. You know, they say that if you can just get through that first year of "no's" that you will be just fine.

But after today, my question was, "Will I?" In some ways, yes I will be. In some ways, not so much.

Today, I received word from my first professional audition. I had been so excited. Even felt like I sang fairly well. Was so proud of myself for just getting out there, trying, defeating my fears. On top of that, I had been personally invited to the audition for this performance with a Chicago Gilbert and Sullivan Group. For 10 long days I awaited the results.

And today, I got them. "Dear Shellie," it read, "Thank you for auditioning, but we were unable to cast you in this year's production." And you know the rest, "perhaps in the future."

The disappointment I felt. And right before my Indianapolis Audition. I will admit that I really just wanted to cry---and still do. I mean, it really is ok. But well, the feelings and such. The stab in the heart that I feel towards my love of singing.

Oh, it isn't the end of the world. But you can't be on top of it every day, right? I guess I just love to sing SO much that I truly wanted to be a part of this one. To be honest, I want to be a part of them all---why lie!

Someday............

Time well spent

2009-01-16T17:25:00.000-08:00

Well, it's the end of another week and here I am. I look back at this week, and yes it has been a good one. A busy one, but a good one. Lots of time well spent with friends. I am truly trying to make the most of my life. I will admit that I am not one to make New Year's Resolutions. Guess I mistrust myself too much to break them. But I do find it important to live each day in light of how you can make it the best. What things can you change about your life today that will make it better.

So as I look back over the week, I realize that there are truly a few good people in the world whom you can call friends. Moments with them may be few and far between, but they are so special. Making the most of them should be a priority in anyone's life.

Today, my prayer partner popped me a chat on gmail asking if I was available last minute. Now, I am not good at last minute. Still learning that lesson, but you know, I think we both sensed that we need that time of fellowship and prayer. And what a time it was. How special those moments when she and I can fit them in have become.

In some ways I feel a bit guilty that I was out and about so much. I mean, surely I could have done something else with my time. And sure I could have. But the times spent with those few good people this week were so glorious, so God-given. They were a refreshment to my very soul. The time could not have been more appropriately spent. I think each of us has to learn to slow down a bit and make time for other people. Yet how easy it is for each of us to swallow ourselves in a world of busyness and personal interest. How starved we become without even realizing it until it is almost too late!

On the lighter side! It was frigid this week here in Chicago. In the Negatives during the day. So why was I out and about? Ha! All for the love of friendship and fellowship. Well, not just that. But even if that were it, it would have been well worth it. You definitely move faster from car to indoors in this weather. Times of hot coffee and fireplaces are well invested in. And so, I found myself by the fire at Caribou, or sitting over a warm bowl of soup and lunch, or in front of my heater-but often with some warm company as well. And when there wasn't company there was always a good book.

How important people are in our lives. Yet how often we take them for granted! But how grateful we become for those people who are willing to forgive and continue on in friendship. I will say that getting back into what I call "the world of people" again is hard for me. But that is my fault. Oh that we could always be as forgiving of others as we would have them be of us. Perhaps we would not run from each other so often. This is where I find myself. And yet, I am not down! I am rather encouraged to have those faithful few: the friends and the family who have continued continuing on despite the battles that have and still continue to be fought.

Ending the week by saying.......................

2009-01-10T17:54:00.000-08:00

It is a funny thing that I can contemplate my blog all week, yet when it actually comes to writing on it, I suddenly go blank and can think of nothing interesting to write about. So hence, it always ends up that I write about my week!

But I must say it has been quite busy! I got back and hit the ground running! Christmas was wonderful. A full two weeks at home with family---playing games, watching movies, light shopping, practicing, sleeping, eating, carrying out traditional holiday events, and just sitting in front of the fire. Actually for about a week of the time I was at home, we were without heat, so I literally spent most of my time sitting in front of our fire place! :)

I so enjoyed my family this holiday. Just being near them! Having them around at the end of a long day to just enjoy the closeness---it didn't matter if we talked or not. I kinda miss them right now.

But yes, I did hit the ground running here in Illinois. I drove back in a snow storm, got in after lunch time only to spend the next two hours cleaning before students arrived. Taught those students, then finally sat down. Wednesday, Thursday and Friday were about the same routine as Tuesday. Although by Friday evening, I was devastated, having made a student cry in her lesson. I felt like the worst teacher living. You know, one of those things on your "never to happen in lesson during your teaching career" actually happened! I could have quit teaching right then, I felt so bad. But all ended well, Thank the Lord!

Today, held a very nasty day in the weather. I shoveled 6 inches of snow off my driveway! And all before I had my coffee! But what a treat it was to get some later in the day! :) I even drove to my 3 hour opera rehearsal in all this bad weather. Yeah, I know, pretty stupid! But hey, sometimes you gotta do what it takes! (I won't do that again, though).

Tonight, well, I think I will sit and read a bit! It's been a week. Much has been on my mind, and it is time to put it all away and just enjoy the evening with a bowl of popcorn and a good book! What more could you ask on a cold, snowy night! Perhaps a movie would be better, but I would honestly prefer the book tonight!

Musings that come and go, and some that never return

2008-12-29T13:57:00.000-08:00

Do you ever have those moments where as you sit contemplating, your eyes fill with tears unexpectedly? The "I wishes" just break forth in your mind---both good and bad, desires and memories, hopes and dreams. Is it just around Christmas that our thoughts turn this way? I don't think so. Perhaps I feel them more because in being home, I have had time to just sit and contemplate more than usual.

HHmmmm....just thoughts, contemplations, wonderings, musings. At least they are in a an orderly fashion as they process through. They come, stay a while, then move out, sometimes returning at a later time, sometimes not.

I wonder...........
What would happen if..........
Why is...........
Why isn't............
When will..............
Should I............
Why do I..............
Is this..................
What can.....................
How can................
How do......................
Where......................

Just thoughts.......................

WinterWonderland

2008-12-18T17:23:00.000-08:00

Well, welcome to Chicago, IL---home of snowy weather. And boy did we have it. It snows, clears the next day, snows the next day on top of what was already there, gets beautiful the next day (while still being frigid), then snows a little more-----sometimes a lot more! Such is the case of this week. It has already snowed quite a bit. And it just keeps piling! Bless those people who have all pitched in to help us shovel our driveway!

Well, tonight we are supposed to get a heap more. This is the time of year when I feel like curling up with a good book in hand, next to my heater with a bowl of popcorn! Course I would REALLY prefer to be in front of my fireplace in Indiana after my dad has just built the perfect fire. But alas, this too will come soon enough. For tonight, I literally sit waiting to see if we really are going to get those 12 inches of snow. I hope it waits. My students need safe weather to travel in and there are so many last minute details to do before the holidays hit. But I guess I can't stop it from coming. And who really wants to. I must say it is quite beautiful outside. It is a perfect snow----light, white and fluffy! If I were maybe a few years younger and fatter, I might go play in it. But not this week. This week I am content to watch it come down from inside.

Tis that time of year

2008-12-05T16:33:00.000-08:00

It is that time of year when all our thoughts turn very sentimental and googly! It must be the holidays.

I was sitting here listening to Christmas music and realized it had been a while since updating my blog. I have just finished a very full day of teaching, but a good one. Good students, good lessons. Several have auditions this time of year and we have spent much time this week working towards the fine touches! Of my studio, several are new. And as the semester has progressed many have become more comfortable with me. Each has their own story. Some of them make me very sad. One today did! I found myself totally overwhelmed that this young girl would open her personal feelings in her lesson. I so wanted to help. All I can do is encourage them and pray for them. Oh that God would touch their little lives! As this girl talked, I actually found my eyes filling with tears. I wanted so badly to cry and felt the lump building in my throat.

I just returned from some time spent with family over Thanksgiving. I truly love Thanksgiving. Our family has its own traditions for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Every Thanksgiving we have a big meal, my mom breaks out her real china, we spend all day preparing, then we feast on Turkey and Ham. Later in the evening this year we played a game that Jake had brought. Even my dad got in on it. It was HYSTERICAL!!!! Then we sat around the fire. I absolutely love a fire around Thanksgiving time and Christmas. There is something so comforting about it. It brings back memories as you stare into it.

Following Thanksgiving day, Sheri and I always provide music. The family can come listen or listen from a far. Stac used to sing with us, and still does occasionally. I miss those times! Dad and I always go out and get the Christmas tree sometime after Thanksgiving Day. It seems like such a petty thing. But I truly enjoy his company and the time spent with him in this little tradition. Only he can pick out the right tree. This year I missed being able to decorate it and set up the Nativity (my favorite part of Christmas). But my memory is there with my family as they do this for me this year.

This year I spent the weekend after Thanksgiving with my sister, Sheri. It has been a long time since we did that. We watched movies, went to the book store, played games, drank tea, ate soup and others of her specialty cookings!

I will admit that I actually felt more involved with my family this break. I got to go to the kids' games, see Esther give a report at school, go to work with my mom, visit my sister at work, have a girls night with mom, Alyssa, Stacye, and Esther, take my niece to a lesson, sit and do nothing, visit with friends. It was quite special this year! I will admit that I am looking forward to Christmas. I hope it will be just as memorable.

As I traveled back from Indiana, I felt the loneliness settle in. I miss my family. I miss their company and constant love. I even miss their bad moods and quirks. I miss Andrew's big boy hugs, and Esther's attitudes, and Avery's energy. I miss their storytelling around the table. I miss morning coffee and movie nights. I even miss the moments that we sit in silence---not having to say anything yet not feeling uncomfortable about it.

I had a hard time getting back into the groove of things here. But all will be ok. I enjoy my life here as well.....but always with a wisp of wishing to be there with my people.

So Proud!

2008-11-15T07:38:00.000-08:00

I almost cried last night!

Oh no, they were tears of joy and excitement!

Remember how I was waiting for my student?! Well, she arrived a bit early, apologizing for being early! HA! In this world of late people, what a blessing!

She calmly set her books down, but I could tell she was in good spiritis.

"Can I tell you something" she asks.
"Of Course."
"Well, you see, I auditioned for a solo at school. I just decided last minute. Then I got a call for call backs. Then I found out today I get to do the solo in our Concert," she says.

I just stared. But I could not have been more proud! Tears filled my eyes.

She told me all about her audition. Told me she had told her teacher she was taking lessons and her teacher had seen improvement. And now she is seeing results of her hard work! I was so proud of her and happy for her. She could barely contain her excitement. Just the joy in her eyes was worth every step of the journey for the last few months. This is where I cannot help but love what I do---helping others make their own dreams come true!

The Right Perspective

2008-11-14T16:39:00.001-08:00

I am sitting here on this Friday night waiting on my last student of the day to arrive for her hour lesson. She is a good student to end on that late at night, so I don't mind at all. But with the few minutes I have before she comes, I sit here, finding myself wanting to think. As that is a dangerous pastime for me, I thought I would write. I am a bit tired today from not sleeping well last night. I think it was the adrenalin from my rehearsal and audition last night. I am getting back into the process of singing and auditioning again, and I find that it really wires me. It's almost like I need to get use to it again. I am enjoying it, except for the not sleeping part. Finally about 12:15 I got up, fixed a snack, and sat down to read a book. I fell asleep after 1:00 AM, only to wake up at 4:00. Who knows, maybe it was the full moon!

Nonetheless. I sit here just thinking, amazed that I have found myself pretty upbeat the last few days, and dare I say, weeks. I am finding that it is a matter of perspective. I can choose to enjoy the aspects of life given to me, or not enjoy them if I so wish. Kinda like the book I read, The Alchemist. We can choose to be discouraged, or we can choose to be an adventurer. How many times I have come back to that statement! "Today I choose to be an adventurer." And I am amazed at how it is changing my perspective.

Oh, I still have bad days. But I find that the bad days aren't as hard to get through. And the next day is always fresh!

I am enjoying my Bible, my friends, my quiet times, my music, my students, my family, my outlets. HHMMMM. Kinda funny isn't it, when you really think about it. Things are always as bad as we think they are going to be or as they seem at the moment. I mean, how many times do we wake up the next day! Think about that!

I want to keep living like this. Not expecting things to be perfect. But just content with where they are at, knowing that in 5 years I should be a different person---for the better. Every day brings an opportunity for growth. Every day is an adventure. Sure it has its ups and downs. But how do we choose to see them. I am learning much in this phase I am in right now. I want to be able to solidify it and make it my way of approaching all situations---whether good or bad. I want to always start with "I need to pray about this." Then move to "ok, I can or can't do something right now." Then be ok with just going on and living, knowing details will follow through. That is just how life seems to keep moving along. But then, that is what makes it even more special that God is on the throne orchestrating it!

Oh To Be A Fly On The Wall

2008-11-08T17:56:00.000-08:00

I wish everyone could be a fly on the wall during my student's lessons. What memories each one brings. Like the Asian lady and her diction---fwee, instead of three. Like the texts I got from two of my students away on a choral competition. Like the brilliance of the eyes at the prospect of a new book. Like the boundy personalities. Or even the look of disappointment at being chided! AH....what memories....what special individuals.

Oh to be a fly on the wall at my own lessons. Here recently I truly have wondered if my teacher feels the same way towards me that I feel towards some of my student---both the joy and the disappointment.

What Is This Day We Live In?

2008-11-08T17:49:00.000-08:00

You know sometimes I honestly do not think that I recognize the world I live in. At my young age, I am starting to feel very old and in that bracket of one-of-a-very-few. We recently just came through our latest elections. I will admit that I felt very important and full of hope as I walked over to my polling location. I felt like a real American---doing my part, enjoying my freedom of stating my opinion. I have been a little behind on news lately, but felt somewhat prepared to vote for a bright future.

As I read the headlines the next day, my heart sank a little at the results. Not exactly my choice of president had one. I mean, McCain wasn't exactly the answer, but my sister was right, the socialism offered by Obama is not the answer either. Yet so many people---including CHRISTIANS---voted for this man---who supports values and principles that the Bible clearly defines as sin. Again, not that McCain was perfect, but he at least was headed in more of a, well, better direction. As I read reactions around the world of Obama's success, I felt a bit of apprehension as it all points toward hopes of the one-world government that the Bible talks about in the end times.

Yet my heart did not lack hope. For God is still on the throne. I did my part on November 4, God will have to do the rest. He can use even this man. I will just keep praying and plugging!

But I must say, what is wrong with our world. I am amazed at people's reasoning for voting---so shallow---looks, race, gender, women's rights, and get this one, better football games played. Now Come ON! What happened to voting for America's best interest. For principle. For Biblical Grounding as desired by our Forefathers. For freedom!

Wow, have we really come that far down...............?

A Night Well Remembered

2008-10-28T16:51:00.000-07:00

So how did this one end up?

You know, I don't know how many times in my life---specifically the last year---that I have looked back over a performance (any performance) and experienced those sagging shoulders as I thought about what I had just done. The disappointment that I felt over what I considered to have been failures all the way around when it came to my singing. The questionings that I had offered up to God of why I could not enjoy my music, why I felt such fear, why such lack of confidence.

Tonight as I ponder the Giver and the gift, I can say that I am amazed that He sees fit to give such a precious gift to mankind. I think of the power of the voice---the emotions it gives out, the comfort it offers, the joy it brings to those who come under its spell! Yes, the gift of music---the love and beauty of singing---was meant to be shared. It is not something that we can keep to ourselves. It is something we offer up---a giving of our entire heart, soul, and spirit as we communicate to an audience. If anything is left out, our gift is hindered.

And yet to do that, one must have a point of confidence---on object! How many times I have read the Opera News articles, coming across the statement from various artists, "My faith means sustained me." Some truly mean it. Some have no clue. My question to each one is, "What is the object of your faith? Better yet, WHO is the object of your faith." This object is what sustains you. For some, it is faith in the technique. For others, it is a teacher or coach.

Both failed for me.

However, there is one that has remained true. One object! And it was that One that I had the joy of singing about last night at our Fall Concert.

Long have I dreamed of singing the Exsultate Jubilate. It has come to mean much to me. All movements (Exalt, Joy, Give Comfort)---all texts----point to the final piece: Alleluia. "IA!" Literally a transliteration of "Yahweh"--that personal name of God that even the Jews---His very own people---would not utter. Meaning Jehovah! God! My God! And I have the privilege of singing to Him.

What Grace He gave last night. What joy I experienced in singing praises to Him! What fun and lightheartedness He gave during my opera solo.

For a brief moment, I felt nerves tightening the muscles of my breathing mechanism. But as I took slow breaths and begged the Lord for His calmness and sustaining power, my mind, heart, and body began to slow down and relax.

So I had trouble getting into the first piece. So I had a few flat notes. Who cares! I had fun! I had confidence. But not just any confidence. A Confidence that comes only from above---that is based in full dependency upon an Object. Jehovah! God! My God. I found myself at His mercy seat---and I found Him to be there---and I found Him to be gracious. I found Him to be full of strength and energy---and I felt it flow through me!

What joy I experienced proclaiming the Giver of the gift!

Concert Preparation

2008-10-27T07:59:00.000-07:00

Well, the day is here. Concert Run Number 1! I am so excited, yet trying very hard to keep it contained. One cannot use too much energy too soon! :)

So how does one prepare for a concert?

We singers are weird when it comes to performing. We can't help but end up being a bit divaish about it! There are ways to go about it. Mine starts about a week in advance. Thoughts, meals, rest, etc.

Well, to be quite blunt, here I sit, in front of my computer, my timer set with 5 minutes left of bleach on my face. Music plays behind me. Ronan Tynan. I needed sometime peppy! For a moment, I felt my energy falling, so he sounded nice and rousing for a start. Next will be Spirituals in Concert, then perhaps Wicked. I slept decently, although with much anticipation. I kept seeing my music in my mind and it kept rehearsing over and over inside of me. I got up, had a good breakfast, laid back down, piddled with some dishes and lunch in the crock pot. Read my Bible. Drank Coffee.

And now, comes the mental prep. Slowly getting ready for a nerve racking event. Yet, it can be channeled correctly! That is what am working towards. For me, personally, I do a lot of praying for strength and calmness throughout the day, lots of song study, much sitting and contemplating, etc.

Naps are in order, as is eating well today. Keeping warm is a key during the winter months. Sure, there are the ideal preparations of hair, dress, makeup, etc. Those are in order. My formal has been setting out for two days now. I just need to put my skirt in the bathroom with me during my shower to finish getting last minute wrinkles out. All is ready to go that way. I even have my eating and meals planned out for today! I have practiced. The technique is set for this run, whether it is good or bad! Now I just have to execute it!

The most important to me though is the mental and emotional prep. This concert is big for me. Not only is it a dream performance of the Exsultate come true, but it is a big step confidence-wise for me. I want the joy of what I am doing to shine forth to the audience, yet I also want them to see God's gift being shared! That is my desire!

So here I go, back to the bathroom to take off the bleach, then to the heater with a book of Peter Pan for about an hour. I need something imaginative and light.

I wonder about what I wonder

2008-10-23T17:21:00.000-07:00

Hhmmmm! Do you ever just find yourself sitting and thinking. And there isn't necessarily anything going on in your thoughts. You are just sitting. Contemplating. Wondering. That is me tonight. Just thinking. Nothing in particular. Just kinda looking back over my last few days.

How good it feels to sing. Had a rehearsal Tuesday and sang for 2 hours straight. Sometimes I am amazed that my love for the art of singing gives me life and endurance. I honestly don't know where it comes from. I guess that is what makes me believe that the desire is God-given. Because only He could sustain me and keep me through moments like that.

How blessed I have found myself this week with the people that God has put in my life. Learning to just accept them for who they are and just love them has been a great lesson for me to learn. Seeing them as better than myself---which I must observe as the worst of sinner saved by grace. And if that is how I am, then surely I can forgive them and love them as Christ forgave me.

Do you ever sit and wonder where you will be in 10 years because of where you are now and the amazing way of how you got even this far. Exciting isn't it. I mean, who knows what the days will bring and the months and the years. And yet it makes each day kinda special in its own way.

Today I found myself thinking about my students and the impact I could and am having on their lives. It hit me today that "You know, I am supposed to be 'that woman' that the Bible talks about for them to look up to." Kinda makes you think and change your perspective. Boy is it a reality when you realize that you are supposed to be the one now that is settled, know where you walk, know how to talk, yet humble enough to keep learning. And somehow they have to see it. WOW!

Well, really I didn't want anything. Just blabbling. Just thoughts, yet nothing big.

Learning to Walk One Step at a Time Without Fear

2008-10-17T12:27:00.001-07:00

So today I received an email. I found myself neither encouraged nor discouraged. But rather just thoughtful. Sometimes, I think too much. But today, I think I needed these thoughts.

Do you ever find yourself on this roller coaster adventure of life sometimes willing it to speed up, sometimes begging it to slow down?

That is how I felt today as I considered my future.

I long to sing! So here lately I have been pursuing venues, making inquiries, and seeing what the Lord does with them. I am learning the valuable lesson of caution and prayerful decisions.

Sometimes, I think my teacher is right. We do fear something about success. And yet, is it really success that we fear? Or is it the unknown of the journey toward the success? The what if's along the way. The not being able to plan for each detail. Not knowing what you are really getting into specifically. Not always knowing the right protocol.

That is where I found myself today. The future has so much potential. So many good things. But how will they all fall into place. Well, the answer is that you learn to walk one step at a time. Without fear. Without trembling. Not always focusing on the end goal. Knowing it, hoping for it. But seeing the daily journey along the way. The moment by moment. Seeing people and things around you. Knowing that they are all meant to be a part of the plan God has for you today! The things that will make and mold your future because those people, things, decisions were all apart of the process.

I don't know. Maybe I'll change my mind tomorrow! But today, I see a bright future that only the Lord Himself can bring to fruition! So today, I choose to be an adventurer, relying on His wisdom to guide me a long!

A little note for the other one!

2008-10-13T18:14:00.001-07:00

Stacye, Have I told you how much I love you, recently! Accomplishments are made in a different way for each and every individual. Yours are more than being accomplished. I love hearing your stories of the kids and their little ways of saying they love you! You are a mom and wife to be admired. I only hope that someday I can do half as well with my life as you have with yours!

The Way It Really Was!

2008-10-13T18:02:00.001-07:00

So I felt that I should take the time to tell about the thrill of the Chicago Marathon in my own words. What a day! And one so well spent. I have never been to a marathon. But let's just say I would TOTALLY go again. They are so inspiring. I now how such respect for these athletes. What dedication and hard work.

I must say I was quite surprised, yet absolutely thrilled at how supportive the crowd was for each and every wave of runners that swept by.

Well anway!

We took the train down to China Town. There were so many people on the train that we got stuck watching some of the runners pass way up from the train station. The crowd was huge!!!!

When we finally got down to the street level, each of us kept asking Jake when Sheri was supposed to come by. She had started a little after 8:00. It was now after 11. We waited rather excitedly for a pink hat, pink shirt, and black pants to appear on the screen. As I watched the runners pass, viewing some of them, I felt a little nervous anticipation!!! Was Sheri this tired? Was she ok? Was she getting any cramps. We had prayed so hard for no side cramps and no shin splints. Around 11:45 or something, Chad disappeared from his spot high on a barrel. And then we saw her! I was so excited. She looked so good! So pretty, actually. Definitely didn't look like she had been running for over 3 hours. She looked so happy and like she was having fun! And she just plugged along! We cheered and screamed for her! And she waved back. But no stopping for her! She kept on to the finish line.

We moved to the next spot. You know we really did have good viewings along the way. Once again we waited excitedly. Had we missed her!!!! But no, there she appeared---an hour after the first pass. She looked tired, but still so good! We screamed and shouted again and even ran a little with her. She was almost done. Only a mile to go.

An hour later we met her at the hotel. She had beaten us there. Walked all the way from the finish line to the hotel. She says that is good for you. She looked so good, once again. Worn from 26 miles and 4 hours and 20 minutes of running. But in such good shape, so pretty, and so happy. She had achieved her goal. She told us all about the people she had met along the way, the food she had eaten, and the plug along the way!!!! Wow do they feed and hydrate these people---water, gatarade, bagels, oranges, nuts, bananans, you name it. My sister was smart. She had her cliff bars!!!!! She knows how to take care of herself. And she got a medal for finishing.

I must say again that I truly admire these people. Even the ones that had to walk for a few minutes. I mean, this takes dedication, care, planning, determination----and a dream!!!!!

I was so proud of my sister! Have I said that enough. She started something, had a dream, made it a goal, worked for it, got into it, and accomplished it! And what an honor it is to be called her sister!!! What a memory to support her as a family like we did on October 12, 2008!!!!!

I love you, Sheri! What hope you give!

My Sister Ran The Chicago Marathon

2008-10-12T18:23:00.001-07:00

On October 12, 2008. And finished!!!!! I am so proud of you, Sheri-Beri! You had a goal and accomplished it! You did so well and looked so happy! Well done!!!! I love you and loved being a part of a dream come true for you!!!! You brought tears to my eyes so many times today!!!!

A Flicker of...............

2008-10-07T16:45:00.000-07:00

It was a feeling. An emotion. It came from somewhere deep within. A place that I have long viewed as feelingless in its experiences of hurt and pain. A place as dead and numb for so long--that one would have thought it did not exist at all. I doubled checked to see if it were real. Even looked it in the face and questioned if it were real!

It stared back at me and cried out! Not with pain this time. Not with fear. Not with anger. Not with hurt.

Not this time.

Instead it flickered up, up and up until it reached the top and sprang out.

As the music began to build beneath me, I felt that flicker of, YES, joy, hope, feeling, excitement, anticipation. For a brief moment, fear grabbed hold of it and looked it in the face. But hope looked back. Hope slapped fear in the face and walked past it.

I felt my musical soul return. Could it be? I mean, I actually found myself asking, Could I really be feeling joy in my singing again?

There was no mistake this time. I felt the music move within me. I didn't care what I sounded like. I didn't care what the others thought. I just knew that I loved to sing. God was looking down and smiling once more. Life had returned. Joy and hope, though faint were there. There was a reason to sing! A reason to share once again the gift of music.

Oh how can I keep from singing! If music be the food of love, sing on til I am filled with joy!

What is this Journey?

2008-10-03T16:38:00.000-07:00

As I sit here waiting for my last student of the day to arrive, I cannot help but think of singing.

I got in some practice today. Went well. I am learning to pace myself. If it just isn't working at the moment, come back to it later! So I do. Sometimes I get so excited and full of hope. Other times I find myself asking, "what is the point?"

What is this journey they call a career path? I have asked that many times in the last few weeks. Even corresponded heavily with those in the professional field that I have the privilege of personally knowing. What kindness I have been shown! And guidance. Yet Truth. Those two in this career path are hard to bring together. I have asked some pretty pointed questions of my teachers and coaches this last month. And received answers. It should bring me home, yet I often feel stuck! Will this feeling go away.

They say that there is no one set path for a music career. It is personal. One must make it their own. So what is mine? I will admit that I have yet to find out what it is. But I am trying to find out.

Some things I have started coming to terms with----change, instability, moving, loneliness, perseverence, self-motivation. But where does one find the moment by moment hope in it. I had it once. That fervent excitement and love of just singing. What happened to it? Right now I am experiencing the pain and hurt of the journey. And yet they say that it is necessary! That it helps you feel your characters pain and hurt as you sing. That it develops the inner emotion of singing. I miss the joy! Yet, am learning through the pain.

What is my journey? I do not yet know, but I sense it is full of adventure---with light at the end. Perhaps that is what keeps me going. That light! That ray of joy and returned love and passion!

Look Out Chicago!

2008-10-01T15:29:00.000-07:00

Look out Chicago! Because my sister is coming to town to take you on!!!

I'm rooting for you, Sheri-Beri! You are going to do just fine in your Marathon! Keep plugging away! I'm revin' up to be in the crowd along the sidelines cheering you on!!!!!

Lots of love and prayer!

Oh for that Look in their Eyes!

2008-09-25T18:18:00.000-07:00

What a wonderful thing it was for me this week to watch each of my students as I presented them with their new music. Many of them have been waiting with earnest anticipation for their music to arrive from the company I order from. And what a difference in last week and this week. Last week, I had to announce to each of them that it had not yet come. Oh the disappointment they showed.

Not this week though. The brightness! The excitement! The eagerness to go home and look through their new books! Oh the look in their eyes!

I remember those days, even as a college student, getting ready for exams and recitals. Ordering new music was a highlight of my week!!!!! To get that brand new book without wrinkles. To look through the endless pages of things you have never seen before. To come across music that you had spent hours listening to and eagerly waited for! I remember. And it is with childish giggles that I still experience those feelings---for myself and for my students! What a joy and thrill it is to be a musician.

Blah blah blah!

2008-09-23T16:38:00.001-07:00

Tonight, I honestly don't know what I am about to say as I head into this blog. I just felt like writing. So maybe I will start by wishing well any of you who do read this entry and then just start chattering as thoughts hit me.

My sister is coming up in a couple of weeks to run the Chicago Marathon. I am so excited for her. She has been training long and hard for this. What an accomplishment it will be for her. My family is coming this way to watch her! So we will all be downtown watching her cross the finish line.

I will admit that I am really looking forward to seeing my family! I do love them. Just last night I had the most open talk with my mom that I have had in a long time. And she just quietly and calmly advised and encouraged me. She understood every angle that I was coming from, every hurt I was holding on to, and every fear I was experiencing. You just can't beat moms!!!

How supportive and loving my family has been these past few weeks---well that isn't fair---all my life really. But I have actually acknowledged it these last few weeks. They have laughed with me, cried with me, hurt with me, and stood with me. Yet when I needed it they spoke plainly---but always with love!

Talking real life issues with my dad has become special to me. I mean, big-grown up talks about real needs and growth in life. Not just the childish fights that I kept bringing up. How Shepherd-like he has been. I know he cares and prays for me. I see his wisdome and feel his love.

Stacye razzed me quite a bit this week with all my flooding!!!! Calling me Mrs. Noah! BRAT! But hey, if the shoe fits where it! I love it when I can catch her for just a few minutes in the evening online and just chat for a moment. We don't get to talk often, but when we do it means a lot. She is kinda my second mom---my advisor, my listener and discerner when I cannot see through the clouds!

I had a student sing at church the other night. She did SO well! What marked improvement in posture and breathing. She even got compliments that people could tell a difference. Oh the look in her eyes at those words! I love it for them!

Today I picked up my roommate from the airport. It was good to see her back! I must admit I missed her company! I enjoy our talks and even our moments of silence. Bless her! I am sure I talk her ear off!

I did finally get all of my things moved back into my room and studio from the flooding. It is good to be back in my space. I did rearrange some things in my studio since I had the opportunity! :) I like it better. At least I think I do! I have been working on my scrapbooks, so it was nice to display my student memory book!

Oh oh! Guess what I got at the grocery the other day and tried for the first time today! Cactus Pears. They are so good! Kinda Kiwish! But oh so good! I am really having fun experimenting with different foods! And sometimes it just so happens that the things on sale are the weird foods! So why not try them!

Had a new tea the other day! Thai Tea Blend! Black tea! So good---vanilla and coconut and something else. Very nutty and a little chocolatey! Believe it or not, my teas are the only chocolate that I like! I know I am weird. But hey we all have to have our quirks!

Teaching and singing are going well for the most part. My website should be up soon and I hope to start sending out resumes for programs and competitions. I'll keep you posted.

The Aftermath of It All

2008-09-20T19:23:00.000-07:00

As I sit here this evening powering down and ready to go to bed, I am hit with many thoughts that inspire me to write. You will have to forgive me that some of it may seem like endless babbling. But I can't help it. I guess I am just feeling a bit sentimental/emotional tonight.

I look back over the week. And what does one say. I guess the main thought I have is, "I made it. I'm here!" You know, recently I have had the recurring thought, "What would I do if I were not a Christian?" Truly! Where would I be today if I did not have that dependene relationship on my Lord and Saviour.

I don't quite know what emotion to put down on paper tonight. It isn't quite sadness. It isn't quite anger. It isn't happiness. Maybe I can say that it is a settleness. Just a, well, a sigh feeling. I know I have many questions and fears. But what is the point of dwelling on them. Does it really matter? God has promised to supply all my needs---to meet them, every one. He has promised to direct my path, to be my light, to take on my burden, to give me rest.

Truly if one could have one week where every bad thing you could imagine hit, that was my week. It came from every angle. Yet, can we really expect life to be all roses. That is my dream, my want. But it is not reality. Life has to be met one day at a time, with a willingness to take whatever is dealt out--yet always with the perspective that God is on the throne. It isn't as if this one or that one kinda slipped through his sight.

I will admit that the burdens and hurts of this week make me feel tired---and old. I am disappointed with various circumstances and people. Yet, there is still a sparkle of hope deep down inside. Not once this week has there been a shadow of doubt that I am doing what He has asked of me---it's just that life has bad things in it and people will be people.

I do not expect this journey to be easy. But I guess I did expect something diffent. I don't know what, honestly. But here I am, at the end of a week that dealt out its personal worst. There will be better days and there will be worse. But one thing remains the same: In the Aftermath of It All, I know God to still be there--alert, at work, and as loving as always.

And she grew up a little more

2008-09-16T16:47:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been a few days. And how life has a way of changing in just a few moments. I am truly amazed at this journey called life! It truly is a journey. A good friend once told me that life is like a roller coaster---full of ups and downs. There are times of holding on tight, and times to let go and soar. There are times of thrill and times of fear. I have experienced all of this literally in the past month. Let's just say that life has a way of making you grow up---whether you want to or not.

The excitement of moving to a new job and house. The thrill of teaching and seeing improvement. The joy of seeing the light turn on in each students eyes. Time to rest, time to relax, time with friends.

The nervousness of singing again and facing my doubts of my own vocal ability. The fear of stepping out into the unknown. The pain of new adjustments.

Yes there is both joy and fear in change. The joy comes from starting fresh with what I was created to do and be. To invest in something worthwhile. To delight myself in using the gifts God has given me. Yet, the pain of life still takes its toll when it can.

This weekend I experienced some setbacks---only one of which I will relate. My house and studio got flooded with the nasty weather. Have you even seen your entire life and livelihood flash before your eyes in a single moment. I did! Really brought some things home. I have many decisions to make. I go in and out of being ok and being not ok. I guess you call that emotional! (I hate being female sometimes). I have many decisions to make. But yet, it is weird. Somehow, I know God will provide. He has promised to meet my needs. Not always my wants---although He has given me plenty of those---but always my needs. So I sit and wait for the needs to be met. Sometimes with worry and panic, but still waiting with quiet confidence that God will be my stay---as He has been in the past, and will continue to be so through the present, and on into the future.

Enough of Nature

2008-09-05T10:02:00.000-07:00

Oh, I had to tell you about a couple of instances that happened this week that kinda cracked me up! I love being outside. Since moving into my new home, I have found a few times to get out and work in the yard. The other day I was planting flowers, when I heard this clicking sound behind me!!! What in the world!

As I turned around, just a few feet from me was a baby squirrel, literally screaming at me. I looked at him and gave him a simple, "hello." He kept clucking at me. And he kept coming towards me. Now, one isn't normally afraid of such small creatures, but this guy was serious about something. He slowly went around me, deciding I was too big to take on. But then as I bent over to plant my flower, he came towards me again, trying to tell me something. Later, I wondered if I had just planted my flower over his stash of nuts. Poor guy!!! And I just didn't get it.

Later that night as I was sitting outside talking with my best friend on the phone, I casually glanced over into my neighbor's yard. There rounding the patio just a few feet from me was a skunk! Yeah, I was grossed out! Let's just say I slowly and quietly made my way to the house. No smelly messes for me that day!

I guess I could share one more. :)

As I was walking around my neighborhood the other day I passed a gated house. Nice house. Nice Yard. Cute dog in the nice gated yard. A Pug! Cute little pug thought he was big stuff though. As I passed by, he came running and growling at me. Should I have been afraid? For his self-esteem, yes. However. All I could think of was, "you stupid little dog, I could squish you by stepping on you. But keep barking!"

What is up with these little guys with big attitudes! (As If I Am One To Talk! )

No Greater Joy!

2008-09-05T09:56:00.000-07:00

There is no greater joy to a music teacher than to be able to sit back and watch her students execute the principles that you have been trying to get across to them. Last night as I watched my girls perform throughout their first recital of the fall semester, I could not help but acknowledge the hard work that each one put into their pieces. The thought and focus that they have placed upon proper and healthy vocal technique. They looked so vulnerable up there, yet they were having such fun. To see the looks in their eyes when they finished---even though they made mistakes---told me there was a sense of accomplishment! What joy and love I felt last night. Love for each student. Love for the music they were singing. Love for my job. Oh the joy of being a musician. I wish I could explain the fulfillment that comes from singing, practicing, teaching, studying. It is beyond words. Perhaps I will save that for another time. But watching my students last night. Feeling the joy inside. Feeling the tears. Feeling, dare I say it, pride! I was so proud of them!!!!!! They have each made such improvement! And to see it before my eyes as one complete entity was so encouraging! Yes! Hard work pays off! For them and for me!

Updates

2008-08-30T17:40:00.000-07:00

So I finished my first full week of my new job. Oh the joys of being a musician, self employed, and doing what you love. Despite our groans and moans, the Lord does delight in giving us the delights of our heart. It is not always on our time schedule, and it doesn't all come at once. Two things I have found out. Even what I am doing now is not the end. I think that is what I find fascinating. Each phase gets better and better as it goes along God's path of our planned lives.

This week I truly enjoyed taking each day as it came. I woke up every morning with a deep breath, asking God for the grace to just take it a step at a time. Now being self-employed there are many challenges. But if one can just take it as it comes, there is a calmness to be found. I had some wonderful moments, and some moments of frustration. But I can truly say I learned so much this week.

And each of my students has so much to teach me personally. They are all so different---in their vocal qualities, backgrounds, pursuits, personalities. I love it. Being involved with so many different people is very fascinating to me. Learning how to communicate with each one effectively is a delightful challenge to me.

The week ended well with a good Saturday of teaching. I have such gifted people in my studio. Today I taught a new student who is so excited about this next step in their vocal career. So many questions. I love helping each of my girls through this musical path. There is so much to be compared to with life in general. Sometimes I think if I would take my own advice to heart, I would be so much better off.

Practice has gone well this week. Being able to come at it fully rested has become such and special experience for me. I am looking forward to my own lessons! I am very much ready for a renewed focus.

You know, the Lord has been and is being very good to me. I am truly grateful and humbled for what He has placed before me in this next journey----and excited to say the least.

A WICKED Weekend

2008-08-27T13:10:00.001-07:00

So I have to tell you about my wicked weekend.

Before you freak out, not it wasn't like that! So just clear your minds!

I went to see WICKED this past weekend at the Ford's Oriental Theatre, downtown Chicago. It is so not like what you imagine from the title. Instead it is the rest of the story to the Wizart of Oz---both prequel and sequel. Wow was it incredible. From the cast of singers and actors to the acting itself, to the staging and set! I have never before witnessed such a performance where 100% of the cast was 100% involved in their personal part. I got chills so many times! And it was just purely delightful music. Belting done in its proper technique!!! I really need to research this style of singing.

Each character was truly delightful and convincing! What a story.

On top of going to this production, my friend and I toured the Cultural Center, ate dinner, and thoroughly enjoyed each other's company while walking up and down Chicago.

With this weekend came several evenings of staying with my friends, movies, the Olympics, Fish dinners, music, and oodles of popcorn. Oh and did I mention fishing!!! Didn't catch anything, but it sure was fun. I got some bites, but no eating!

And so it began!

2008-08-26T16:41:00.000-07:00

Today! It had its complete beginning today! It wasn't just patchwork! It is official! What a wonderful feeling to look back over a day having accomplished so much doing what you love!!!!

Today I taught some new students, transitioned some current students, practiced, researched, prepared. WOW I did a little bit of everything. Literally! Even got my flier finished for my student's recital finished! Kinda like it myself. :)

And to see their eyes as they walked in, and their expressions as they watched themselves in the floor length mirror, and their reactions as they viewed the pictures and equipment! It was classic. I often felt my eyes fill with tears and my stomach flury with excitement.

I loved it! Teaching, practicing, researching----MUSIC! I LOVE MY JOB!

A New Phase!

2008-08-22T06:37:00.000-07:00

As I sit here sipping my coffee, preparing for my new day--my new job--my new start--I feel a certain amount of nervousness settle in. And yet, mixed in with those nerves is a strange sense of calmness. I don't really know what is causing the nerves---a little bit of everything maybe (from fear to excitement). But I think it is good.

You see I start a new phase of life today! What thought. Yesterday at 4:00, I literally walked out the office door of my former job, and didn't look back. I felt no anger, no bitterness, no regrets. I had no thoughts really---except for, "Don't look back, Shellie. Just keep walking!" And I did!

I think there comes a point in life when you just decide to go on. Hindsiight is always 20-20. I wish I could have come to that realization sooner. But I am also aware that there is a time for everything.

And so the healing begins. I don't know what this phase holds. Today, I don't care. Well, right now, I don't. Who knows what today holds! :) My thoughts could change! I'll let you know! Tee hee! But right now, I move on. Forgetting those things which are behind, looking forward to the Glorious Hope that God has placed before me.

Just saying HI

2008-08-18T06:56:00.001-07:00

Hi Sheri and Stacye! Hope you are well today and that you have a good day! :)
I love you both and miss you ever so much!

Memories Worth Having

2008-08-17T14:22:00.000-07:00

Today was my birthday! Another year down and another to go! :) I will admit that I don't feel any different. I guess that is good. 26 is a good age. Just like 25 was.

It was a quiet day. Kinda peaceful. But still full of memories. You see, I have the best family in the world, who made me feel loved in many ways on this 26th year of my life. My mom and dad drove all the way up just to have lunch with me. It was so good to see them and just sit down and talk. I truly enjoyed their company. They got here, looked at my new house and my new studio set up. Mom made some suggestions and we made a couple changes. Then she gave me some birthday presents! :) Tee hee! Some new clothes and a popcorn bowl! I LOVE it! I have been searching high and low for one. You see, I am a popcorn fanatic.

Then we went to Ihop and just talked and talked and talked. They left town 3 hours after arriving. And I went on with my day!

My sister, Sheri sent me a gift card for Crate and Barrel. I love Crate and Barrel---because I truly can be a homey person. I love kitchen stuff! :)

This morning I called home to remind everyone that it was my birthday. (As if they forgot). But nevertheless I called! :) Told mom and dad I had cut my hair and was wearing a new outfit.

Stacye texted the birthday song to me! I love it when she sings to me over the phone in text messages. I have no doubt that she sings a long with it too! :0 Quite beautifully I might add! :)

Yes, I have the best family in the world. What a different, but memorable way to celebrate my birthday! What love! I am so blessed. What memories!

I still have a party to go! :) With friends. I have wonderful friends too, as you can see. They sure know how to make someone not feel alone. I love them all for it!

Happy Birthday, Me!

YES! IT WAS ME!

2008-08-13T06:38:00.000-07:00

I went home last night to "experiment" with a "new recipe". Probably not so new to most people. But when you are working with a stove and a kitchen when you haven't had one for two years, well, life can be different. And especially when it is a gas stove. Who knows what could happen.

I fixed up my dinner, which turned out superbly! Very tasty. A form of spaghetti, but not quite. But oh so good. Yes, I am enjoying cooking and such!

I had set out enough chicken for dinner last night and a chicken salad sandwich today for lunch at work. I was being so good about being on top of things. So around 7 I put my last Chicken on to boil so that I could shred it and make up my chicken salad later. I promptly left it to boil on the stove and went to my studio to get some work done.

No big deal. All was good.

Well, I got lots done last night. Really I did. Until I smelled this unusual aroma. HHMMMMMM! What could it be!

"Oh NO!" I thought.
"My Chicken."

I rushed upstairs, only to find the glass lid all black, no water in the pot, and a rather, well sad looking burnt chicken (only on the bottom though). I picked up the pot and rushed outside for fresh air.

10 minutes later I came back in. Set the blackened lid on the stove, put the little chicken on a towel, and placed the pot in the sink with water and soup.

Bless me, I was able to use most of the chicken. It was more than done. No need to worry about disease from raw meat from me today!!!

And let's just say that the pot is still sitting in water in the sink today!

But oh the house! I was embarrassed. I turned on the ceiling fan. Anything to get the smell out. Didn't work. My roommate got home before the smell left home. All I could say was, "Yes, It was me! I burnt my chicken. SORRY!" There was a smile and a chuckle with a word of encouragement, "That Happens. I've done it before."

Didn't make me feel better, but hey, at least we were all of one understanding!

Woman's Work

2008-08-11T18:34:00.000-07:00

Have you ever asked yourself the question: Are there really things that women should stay out of---you know, things that only men should do? Well, I found myself face to face with that question tonight! And let me tell you folks! I defeated fate!!!!! I mean I glared it right in the face and accomplished the task! Women can do anything they put their minds too. Of that fact I am sure. I am not convinced that we always should! But that is not the question! Should and Could are two different words. I preferred the could end of things this evening.

You see, 12 of my favorite CDs were stuck in my Car CD Changer. I needed them, since I will be starting my home studio shortly! My dad and I had determined that the changer was probably shot anyway since it had decided to die on me literally a couple weeks ago.

So tonight I decided to tackle the feat of getting to my CDs. First one screw, then another, then another, and another, and another. And kaboom! it just escalated!!!!! I pried and pulled, figured out I had forgotten a couple more screws. Parts flew here and there. Pieces broke off. Nails (as in fingernails, ladies). Yes they all broke! And I scraped up my fingers!

But finally, my CD segment popped out! I had accomplished my feat. As I looked back over the changer, a bit of remorse for the poor thing hit me. Then I remembered that it was dead already. So I dumped it all into itself, and came inside.

Have no fear, the CDs are safe and in their cases. The changer: well, if one could die a little more! It did!

So, should women tackle electronics and such. Well, they CAN! If they want to!!!

You decide: do you WANT to?

And yes, I did come in promptly and file my fingernails!!!

Continuing On

2008-08-09T18:21:00.000-07:00

So last night ended up being a movie. You will never believe which one! BABE! I will admit that I am a sucker for old movies. I grew up on them: Little House on the Prairie, Knight Rider, Hogan's Heroes, Doris Day, Judy Garland, Fred Astaire. You name it, I probably watched it!!!! And loved them all.

I remember when BABE came out years ago. The fondest memory I have is that of my sister, Stacye, being fascinated with the high singing mice. They squeaked out their hilarious little tunes and titles of the various movie sections. What a hoot. So I am working through this movie. Maybe I will finish it tonight. It is my third try at it!! :) Sorry. Can't help it. I get tired!

I accomplished MUCH today! Finished getting all boxes unloaded. Got my studio basically finished. At least to a point where I am down to the final touches: an end cabinet of some kind to go by my piano and some files for my teaching. It is really growing on me. I LOVE it. I can't wait to use it! The floor length mirror is a great touch! I know it will kill my students. Oh well!!!! Some things are a must.

I also got some personal files tidied up a bit! That was a relief. And finished my private studio policies and paperwork. I hope to send out contracts and letters next week! Here's to hoping.

I finished the evening with a Taco Salad for dinner (one of my favorites), tea on the porch (White Chinese Honeydew), and a chat with my best friend, Trista. Haven't talked to her in a while. She is really getting out into the community accompanying. May I take this opportunity to advertise that Trista is a fabulous accompanist. Another proof that true accompanists are NOT a dime a dozen. It takes real talent. And she has it. Her next endeavor is to accompany for a professional opera bass! How cool is that!

Well, I am going now. I still have things to get done, but while I am coming down the home stretch, all will get done in God's good time. He is proving so much to me right now. Mostly His Love and Grace. How humbled I am at receiving things I do NOT deserve. Oh how refreshing it is to finally find the perfect Person to rely upon. He has always been there, it just took me a while to believe it. Some days I still struggle, but I find Him always beside me---leading me, encouraging me, teaching me. What a God I serve!

End of a Full Week of Changes!

2008-08-08T18:48:00.000-07:00

Well, I will admit that I don't feel very inspired tonight. I have been doing some cleaning and rearranging. I'm tired and know that tomorrow holds a day with a mess on my studio floor. All for a good cause though! Unless I make the mess, I won't get it clean and orderly! So I am about to power down for the evening with a bag of popcorn and well................haven't decided on a movie or quiet time! We'll see! :)

However, as I look over this last week, is has been just that! So much going on. I have now been at my new home one week. It feels so good! I truly am enjoying it. Just coming home has been very healing to me! I am almost done "unpacking" and that brings a sigh of relief. I can't wait to move my students into my studio! I got my Victorian Secretary moved in. It has so much storage space. That is what I am tackling tomorrow---putting up my actual studio items of files, music, cds, books, etc.

This week was different at work too. A nice change of pace. Did a lot of training with the lady who will be taking my position. I definitely worked a full schedule this week! :) So much to go through, yet at such a nice pace. All will be just fine. I've had to take my lunch to work and stay through all day vs. being able to go home like I did before. I have even found that enjoyable. I often go and sit outside in the sun. I love the sun. It gives me such hope and energy! Watching the birds in the Willow Trees is exhilarating as well. What wonders God has made! Such color and art.

Oh the little things in life that make a difference: Cooking on a stove, sitting in your backyard, working in the back yard, putting up curtains, having internet at home. You know---those little things you never think about! But those are the things that bring pattern and enjoyment to life! I guess just being normal is very refreshing---You know, realizing that you are doing what every other human being in the world is doing---or at least should be doing. Oh, the things you take for granted!

I did teach at my home a few times this week. LOVED it!!! Gives me something to look forward to over the next few weeks!

May this year---each moment---ever live in my memory, reminding me of the journey I have been on these last few years.

Well, I am done rambling. Perhaps I will make more sense tomorrow night! I am going to look forward to the opportunity of keeping you updated more often!

The MOVE

2008-08-04T05:59:00.000-07:00

Well! It's done! I moved. Not unpacked, but definitely moved.

I have been in my new house for 3 nights now! What a change. I will admit that the first day and night were a bit rough. But after getting some much needed sleep, I actually have been able to relax and enjoy it! I love my kitchen and backyard! How fun to utilize both of them. And of course the weather is great here to just sit outside and enjoy it! My kitchen is small and cozy. Christina and I spent Friday and Saturday totally taking it apart and redoing it!!! At least it is clean and organized now!

My room: well still has miles to go, as does my studio. But they are both coming. I finally got my wardrobe set up, so I am eager to start in on my clothes today!!!! It has been fun to pudz up to this point and rearrange. But now to the hard work!!!

I do have stories to share! Of course!

Saturday: I'm driving home from a wedding and grocery shopping in Schaumburg. I was ready to be home and I had a car full of frig food. I turn onto Walnut and there you have it! The street is blocked. Now keep in mind, I just moved. I know one way to get home! So I sat for a few minutes then turned around and took a side street. I had NO clue where I was. So I kept driving! Well, needless to say, I ended up on Barrington Road, all the way at the end of Hanover Park, with no clue how to get home. So I called one roommate. No answer. So I called the roommate out of town. Well, she answered and got me home!!!

Sunday: I was up! I was ready! I was heading out the door. Turned around to lock it and it wouldn't lock. Well that's no good. It has to be locked. So I pried, and pleaded, and twisted, and turned. No luck. So I set my stuff on the ground outside, came inside and tried to lock it from the inside. No good. Finally after about 20minutes of struggling, I decided to lock it, close it, and go through the garage. Only to find out that my roommate had left the garage door open for me. And here I had been outside, and didn't even see the HUGE OPEN Garage door behind me to my immediate right. So I hit the buttom and ran. All was good.

But I was late to church! :)

Well, that is all for now. I really do need to start in on unpacking today! That was the point of being home!

One of Many Last Moments

2008-07-31T06:47:00.000-07:00

Well, here goes. I am coming down the home stretch this last month of August. And tomorrow begins August!!! Can you believe it! How time flies.

There are always mixed emotions when change occurs. I can say that I am truly excited and have no doubts about the future. Fears, yes! But no doubts. Tonight is my last night in my current home. To be honest the only negative emotion I feel is the extreme exhaustion that all this move and packing and runnning has caused. I have enjoyed being where I am at. But I am also ready for this new adventure. I actually am looking forward tomorrow: partly to have it done and over with, partly to just plunge into the next phase and get it going! I know it will be a good year!

Once I get through this move this weekend, then begins the other planning: job changes and prep, insurance search, store shopping, etc. One thing at a time and mark it off has become my theme.

So here we go! Wish me well, and I will be in touch!

Excitement on the Horizon!

2008-07-29T12:23:00.000-07:00

So my piano for my home voice studio came in today. Three huge packages. SO EXCITING! I can't wait to open it! It looks good from the box, but will look much better set up in my studio!

What Else Can I Say!?

2008-07-28T07:10:00.000-07:00

So many times in life we take things for granted! It is bad enough when we take the little things for granted. But when you come face to face with the fact that the most important things in your life you have and are taking for granted......what a reality check!

I had this experience this past week and weekend.

I am currently in the midst of some major transitions in my life: housing change, job change, focus change. Basically everything in my life is about to change! Do you get the picture. And of course, like always, I had to do it the dramatic way. I am going from living by myself for two years, to living with 3 other girls. An apartment, to a house. A desk job, to full time energy and music with more teaching and performing. No paperwork, to nothing but paperwork. My car sitting in the driveway, to driving!

In light of all this, my mom and dad came up this past week to help me with my moving and future planning. Wow did I work them to death. Mom cooked, cleaned, packed, shopped, did everything while I at times just stood and stared for lack of knowing what to do. She even drove me to Wisconsin to sing for a major opera Soprano at a masterclass! My niece and sister, who came along, were just as helpful! My dad got up at 4:30 Saturday morning, drove to Chicago with a trailer and all my heavy stuff, loaded up my car, moved it all to the house, put my stuff together, did some shopping with us, and didn't sit down til dinner that evening!

And they stuck with me while at times I was such a pain in the butt! Once again, my family came through! Even from Indiana, my sisters and brother-in-law have done their equal share---shopping, looking, suggesting, supporting, etc.

What a family God has given me! It is a shame it takes so much for me to recognize it! What love they truly have for me!

What love I have for them! Thank you, family! You will never know what all this means to me!

Back in the Groove

2008-07-10T06:38:00.001-07:00

I just returned from a week's vacation, visiting my family at home. I have found over the last two years that you don't necessarily need to plan big and lofty travels for a vacation. Merely a change of paste and plenty of rest and relaxation make a wonderful escape! And that is just what I did this past week and a half.

Of course, then I came back home Monday evening. Had to rush out to the grocery store because I literally had nothing in house!!! And boy did I get it down: hit up 3 grocery stores in about an hour and a half. I was up a little later than I wanted, but got most of my stuff put up. The rest could wait.

I returned to work on Tuesday morning. And boy did reality set in that the next time, I will return a day early and recup from my vacation. The whole concept of needing a vacation after the vacation is SO true. It is amazing how a break in routine will really throw you off. I am already looking forward to the weekend.

Today (Thursday) I do feel a little more ready for the week---or rather what is left of it! Better late than never, right?

So here is to hopefully a good rest of the week! I'll keep you posted.

The Imitator

2008-06-27T07:41:00.001-07:00

I saw a most endearing picture the other day--one that will probably stick with me the rest of my life. One of childlikeness and innocence. It was so refreshing. As I was driving across town, I came upon an elderly man and a little boy, walking along the sidewalk at the end of their day. He was aged, slow, and a bit stiff. The child was bouncy, inquisitive, and ever alert. As I watched, the old man reached his rough hand back to caress an ache in his hip that most likely had formed while they treaded along. Funny enough, as his hand slowly crossed behind him and laid against his hip, the little boy innocently imitated the old man that he obviously loved and admired. He wanted to be like grandpa! Whatever grandpa did, he would do it too. He was not ashamed of this person at his side. So his hand moved slowly across his back area, trying to catch the same location of pain that his elderly relative was recognizing. As both of their hands fell to their sides, the little boy reached up and took the old man's hand. And together they proceeded along the sidewalk, enjoying their evening stroll.

Such a Difference

2008-06-26T11:36:00.000-07:00

I have quite learned that the Chicagoland has just about as many extremes as South Carolina---at least so far as weather is concerned.

Living in SC, one gets used to the huge change from a breezy, cool fall and spring to the blistering humidity of summer (aand always beginning on the last day of graduation).

Here too in Chicago. The winters are worse here and longer, but the changes can be just as extreme.

Yesterday was uniquely beatiful! As I walked across the parking lot from lunch, the sky appeared so menacing! Not the normal grey, rainy weather. A real storm was trying to work its way in. And yet there also appeared a small, but steady ray of sunlight that streamed down between the dark clouds. Kinda reflected my mood and thoughts: A little grey and on edge, with that ray of hope always glimmering through!

Today is bright and beautiful. Such a difference from the day before. The sun is out, the sky is blue, the wind blowing blissfully along its natural course. I haven't decided yet if it characterizes my mood. I am rather tired today. Tis been a long week with much on my mind. Yet, I will admit that the sun does give me a smile! How long the winter was. I distinctly remember it! It was beautiful at times, but I was defitniely ready for the summer and its brilliance. Even the occasional days of rain aren't as bad as those last few long weeks of winter. They remind one that even the down days of life are necessary for life. Just as the grass needs the rain for renewal, so we need the difficulties of life for growth!

Struggling With Pork Chops!

2008-06-15T12:42:00.000-07:00

There is a first time for everything! And I do love experimenting with new things......well! Some new things! Depends on what it is. Since living here in the Chicagoland I have had many firsts----changing my own license plate, putting in my own anti-freeze, rear-ending a car. All kinds of things have been new to me!

Cooking is not new to me. I actually love doing when I get the chance. And I mean real cooking---not lean cuisine style! I love making up my own recipes too! I have had many occasions this past week to cook for myself! I LOVED it! So I decided to go all out and do some pork chops for Sunday lunch! You know, make myself something real special. So on Saturday afternoon, I pulled the old pork chops out of the freezer---a pack of 7. I proceeded to open the package only to find that all seven were stuck together.

No worries, I can handle this, I thought. Just pull a couple apart and thaw them over night.

Oh no! It couldn't be that simple. You see, since they were frozen, they kinda didn't want to come apart. So here I was. I didn't want to thaw all 7. Just 2. Just enough for a couple of meals. I pried, I pulled. I slammed, I pounded. And they wouldn't come apart. Stupid meat, I thought! So I grabbed a knife. This will do it, I said to myself. Oh no. Couldn't be that simple. Oh they broke apart. 2 and a half of them.

But I didn't want the half. I just wanted 2! I was persistent. I struggled to get that half off of the two and back with its half. I marched into the kitchen and ran water over my two and a half frozen pork chops. This will do it, I thought! Oh no! I struggled some more. Finally, after about ten minutes of this, they came apart. I proceeded to put the two in the frig, and the half back with its half back in the freezer.

Stupid Meat! I thought.

(Stupid Girl! Thought the meat!)

Nothing Big

2008-06-13T10:14:00.000-07:00

As I sit here looking back over the week there doesn't seem to be much to tell----and yet there does! It's been a full one. Each day different. But fine. It was nice to just plug along---enjoy the moments, fight the battles, do the routines, break routines, do what needed to be done, and incorporate some fun things in as well! My students had good lessons. Each is a treasure and so different. Each is working on a different area, but each progressing in their own way. My singing was enjoyable and my practice profitable. My lesson went very well this week. I continue to move through a lot of literature as I prepare for the future, and am constantly trying to improve in my interpretation of each piece---still a hard area for me. I've even gotten in some listening time this week of some music I had been wanting to listen to for a long time.

What fun did I have this week? Well, I made cards this week with a friend. And we didn't even finish the kit. So we will do it again. What fun and creativity! I felt like a child! :) Oh the joy!

The weekend has both busyness and relaxation in it! Grocery shopping and such along with some potential downtime in the evening. Maybe I'll get to a movie. I always say that and never seem to take myself up on it! I have been doing a lot of reading though. I am really enjoying that as my down time!

Strange Sights!

2008-06-10T11:58:00.000-07:00

This has definitely been a day of strange sights. Oh the joys of life! As I was on my way to work this morning, I heard this noise. As I looked over to my right, I saw a group of ducks running towards the fence. The bad thing was, I noticed that one seemed a little more stressed than the others. It was at the head of the group. I became keenly and quickly aware that this poor fellow wasn't leading the group...He was running from the group. The guy right before him, literally on his back feather, was quacking away incessantly. The "leader" of the pack leapt off his webbed feet and onto the fence. The others just kept quacking at him. I don't know what the squabble was about, but I couldn't help but think, "I wonder what ruffled their feathers!" (no pun intended). As the group continued to squawk and scream at the sitting duck on the fence, he just gathered his head into his body and relaxed! Nothing could bother him now! He was safe on top of his fence. I almost felt sorry for the others on the ground, just screaming away at him. He was ignoring them---and the better off for it---and they were needlessly misusing their time and energy!

Then, as I headed home for lunch, I again saw something that you just don't see every day! As I walked out the back door of the building, I saw a white truck. Not unusual. But then I saw that it had writing on it! Not unusual. But then, I noticed the words! UNUSUAL! GOOSE PROTECTION AND TRACKING. Now that you don't see everyday! I mean, how many times a year do you see or even hear of a Goose Squad! But good old Schaumburg has them all---skunks, coyotes, and goose tracking teams. Hey! To each his own. What would we do without them---the trackers that is!

I Took A Walk Last Night

2008-06-06T07:13:00.001-07:00

I took a walk last night. I know that isn't the most imaginative title in the world. But I guess I very much wanted this entry to be a bit simplistic--because my walk felt so simplistic and childlike. After a good but long day, I started home. It was beautiful out. Humid, but the wind kept it cool. A hint of cloud in the sky saying it wanted to rain, but sunny and gorgeous. All I could think of was that I wanted to be out in it. I needed its refreshing breeze and atmosphere.

So, after dinner and cleanup, without even changing from my work clothes, I stepped out the door into a beautiful world of fresh air, sunlight, and warmth. My thoughts were my own and began to run immediately.

I prayed and meditated as I very slowly walked along the path through Friendship Village. Not a soul stirred. I mentally focused on walking slowly and taking time to relax. As I came back toward home I decided to sit down on the park bench for a few minutes. As my body and mind slowed down and relaxed, I closed my eyes and just contemplated life. How interesting it is to look back, but also to look forward. What a journey, but what potential.

As dark clouds began to roll in, I started contemplating a walk home. An hour later I found myself back in my apartment having been refeshed and rejuvenated by the sun's rays and the wind's cool breeze. What gifts of God to bring joy to our lives. Is it not the small blessings of life that come to mean so much to us.

Making Progress

2008-06-05T12:01:00.000-07:00

What a wonderful thing it is for me as a voice teacher to see the shine and delight in a students face upon making improvement and progress. Each student in my studio is uniquely different. And each struggles with different issues. Working through those issues can be tedious! But when you come out on the other side, what reward and what feeling!

Such was the case with my student yesterday. When she first came to me, she could not roll her "r"s at all. So we began from scratch to create a way for her to learn and train the muscles to do this. Rolling your "r"s is of utmost importance in singing. We have plugged away every week with these exercises for the last three months. I know she got frustrated at times. I saw it in her eyes. All I could do was gently encourage her that it would get easier and that she was doing a fantastic job.

Well, yesterday her hard work paid off! She did it! She rolled her "r"s. And the look in her eyes brought tears to mine. What an accomplishment for her! What progress.

I felt renewed energy and help well up within myself! It even improved my own practice later on! What joy to see the light in her eyes at having achieved her goal!

Oh What A Beautiful Morning

2008-05-29T06:10:00.001-07:00

I walked out my front door this morning, all in a hurry! I was running behind! Being of a type A personality, I relish in being on time to anything and everything, often causing myself great (and unnecessary) stress and consternation. With calendar, full purse, and coffee in hand, I started my quick trudge to work. Suddenly, I realized how beautiful the morning was. Still. Peaceful. Sunny. Clear. A few clouds, but mainly of the fluffy sort. There was no wind. Just a still quietness greeted me.

It reminded me of a Grieg Orchestral Suite that I recently heard, in which the composer greatly longs for spring. I found it this morning.

I slowed my trudge to a gentle pace, enjoying each moment of fresh air and bright ray of sunshine. The music of the earth filled my mind with notes. I could hear Richard Strauss' "Morgen" climbing high in the sky with the sun.

What beautiful imagery the world gives us for our musical companion of Song, if we would just take the time to relax in it and acknowledge it and enjoy it!

Rudolph took over

2008-05-23T09:13:00.001-07:00

Yep! There he was this morning, Friends! Bright and Red. Right on the tip of the nose. Came out of no where! Wasn't expecting him! Truly wondered what made him show up! Why did he choose me? Why today?

Don't you just hate the unexpected visitors! Learning to go with the flow and be flexible with the curves of life has been my goal! But some things are just uncalled for!

Yep! There he was this morning! Rudolph! At least it was a baby Rudolph though!

I woke up, ready for my normal morning routine, looked in the mirror, and sighed. There, on the tip of my nose, was a bright red spot. Now where did that come from, I thought. Had a little bit of an itch to it! Maybe a little gnat bit me during the night! Is it really a zit?!

Does it matter! NO! It was there, nonetheless!

But again, at least it was a baby one! I made a special effort with my makeup this morning to hide this unexpected visitor. Accomplished most of it! But am still aware that he is there! How disturbing!

But even this shall pass!

Musings from the Great!

2008-05-22T06:45:00.000-07:00

Do you ever find your greatest moments of encouragement coming from the fact that even those who we esteem as "greatest" struggled and found victory! How often do we find ourselves amazed at the ever changefulness of our lives, the ups and downs, knowing in our minds that God is changeless---but not feeling it! Finding that our focus has slipped off of our heavenly Father, desperately desiring to get back within the comfort of our dependent life in and on Him, yet not quite knowing how! Wondering if this roller coaster feeling is a normal part of life and growing up.......

How gracious and kind that God inspired men and women in our world to write down their experiences and thoughts by which we can gain knowledge, wisdom, counsel, comfort, and encouragement---as well as conviction!

Such are the thoughts of C.H. Spurgeon to me!

"He led them forth by the right way."— Psalm 107:7

"Changeful experience often leads the anxious believer to enquire "Why is it thus with me?" I looked for light, but lo, darkness came; for peace, but behold trouble. I said in my heart, my mountain standeth firm, I shall never be moved. Lord, thou dost hide Thy face, and I am troubled. It was but yesterday that I could read my title clear; to-day my evidences are bedimmed, and my hopes are clouded. Yesterday I could climb to Pisgah's top, and view the landscape o'er, and rejoice with confidence in my future inheritance; to-day, my spirit has no hopes, but many fears; no joys, but much distress. Is this part of God's plan with me? Can this be the way in which God would bring me to heaven? Yes, it is even so. The eclipse of your faith, the darkness of your mind, the fainting of your hope, all these things are but parts of God's method of making you ripe for the great inheritance upon which you shall soon enter. These trials are for the testing and strengthening of your faith—they are waves that wash you further upon the rock—they are winds which waft your ship the more swiftly towards the desired haven. According to David's words, so it might be said of you, "so He bringeth them to their desired haven." By honour and dishonour, by evil report and by good report, by plenty and by poverty, by joy and by distress, by persecution and by peace, by all these things is the life of your souls maintained, and by each of these are you helped on your way. Oh, think not, believer, that your sorrows are out of God's plan; they are necessary parts of it. "We must, through much tribulation, enter the kingdom." Learn, then, even to "count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations."

"O let my trembling soul be still, And wait Thy wise, Thy holy will!I cannot, Lord, Thy purpose see, Yet all is well since ruled by Thee."

Class, Culture, and Refinement

2008-05-16T06:28:00.001-07:00

I attended my first tea tasting event ever last night at one of the most refined tea bistro's in Illinois---Tea Geschwendner. What an experience! Truly one in which you find yourself leaving with a sense of class, culture, and refinement. The more I drink authentic, loose leaf tea, the more I am made aware of the true higher quality and value of it.

Last night was an evening of Japanese Green Tea---Bancha, Kukicha, Tamaryokucha, Gyrokuro, Shincha Shimoyama, Genmaicha, and a few others. Of course, Genmaicha is my favorite Green Tea. It was last on the list to test. I found myself filled with eagerness and anticipation as we progressed towards it. I kept telling my friends they were in for a real treat!

I found myself curiously considering the variety of people that were there. Some you could tell had been there many times in the past and were old hat at tea tasting. I admire those people! Their descriptions of the teas were fascinating, and I found myself trying to picture each tea with them! By the end of the evening, I felt as though I were catching on.

I can honestly say that I did not dislike any of the teas. I tried each with and without a pinch of sugar. They started with the Bancha, which I felt to be a light and lasting, basic Green Tea. Going from that one to the Kukicha was rather eye opening, as the Kukicha is a much bolder Green Tea. If I did have a least favorite for the evening, it would have been the Tamaryokucha. Why? you might ask! Well, it had no after taste. I loved the initial flavor, but it didn't stay. Personally, because of this, I would be tempted to drink my cup of tea too quickly, instead of enjoying each drink.

The Gyrokuro. Well, let's just say that you can taste the refinement in this tea. Definitely a high grade tea! The Shimoyama is an offset of the Gyrokuro in taste and quality, but is sweeter in flavor.

And last but definitely not least, was my favorite, the Genmaicha. I love just smelling that tea. I often find myself at home just opening the container to smell it. I love its sweet, but nutty popped rice smell and taste. And as I expected, this was the favorite of my group for the evening.

The lecture was informative and interesting. I found myself really getting into the spirit of the evening! As we all walked out at the end of the evening, we all agreed on the sense of class, culture, and refinement that we felt. What an experience, from the fine china, cup rinsing, lecture, and tasting.

And of course this morning, I was inspired to treat myself to a small cup of Genmaicha as I prepared myself for the day and recounted the evening before.

Another One Down

2008-05-09T14:18:00.000-07:00

Tis the end of another week! Wow, how they fly, with each day being about as different as it can be! I am off to practice. I have much to do this weekend, with some music prep. I am giving some Master Classes to a group in town and looking forward to the music experience, as well as meeting new people and seeing new faces. I truly hope to a a help! I have much to do this weekend to prepare, but have decided after a good, hard practice to relax with a friend. I haven't seen her in so long! WOW! Time really does get away from you. So, putting finances, busyness, stress, and everything else aside......................I go to my passion (focused practice), then my relaxation (Panera and endless tea refills)!

So proud of you!

2008-05-03T12:16:00.000-07:00

This blog is for my sister, Sheri, who completed her first marathon today, May 3, 2008! She has trained so hard. I have never known someone more dedicated than she! What an inspiration she has become. She has worked hard, and today completed the race---all the way to the finish line. Just listening to her talk about it made me so happy! The excitement and sense of accomplishment in her voice truly brought me satisfaction and joy! She pursued her dream, pressed toward the mark, and was awarded the joy and success of finishing what she started!

You know, as I sit here thinking, I am proud of all my sisters. I think of Stacye, who kept at her goal of being a godly wife and mom. How I admire her. She works hard, supporting her family, rarely without a complaint! She is truly a Proverbs 31 woman.

I think of Alyssa, who gave up what she had the feeling of love for, for something in life that she had only the knowledge of love for. And yet, she now knows the feeling of love within my family. I admire her for her sacrifice to have something better. How I have come to love her and enjoy the company of a little sister. She will be ok in life. She really will!

Then I think of me. Oh to be like these great ladies mentioned above. Determined, Godly, Sacrificial, Willing, Dedicated. They all bring a smile to my face and a sense of joy to my life. I miss them terribly each and every day. And I love them dearly!

Rest and Rejuvenation

2008-05-03T11:55:00.000-07:00

Have you ever spent an entire weekend doing nothing? I know! Most of our life we never really find time for ourselves---well in a way that is totally devoted to doing nothing for yourself that is. Rest and relaxation---and dare I say rejuvenation---are things we only long for. They often seem so distant.

However, I had this rather unique opportunity this past weekend! A friend invited me to their house for the weekend. House of course is putting it mildly. Mansion more like it----at least to me. The house was built around this lady's music room---which is full of Italian style pictures and a high acoustical ceiling, perfect for the musician! I had my own room and bathroom, with a small kitchenette area. My room was so spacious and beautiful, with floor to ceiling windows and draperies. My bathtub had a whirlpool, which I took advantage of Saturday morning.

Well, let me start from the beginning. I went out (and I mean I got away from Schaumburg---far out) to my friends' home Friday night for dinner and wonderful company. We drank tea, sang through my music, talked, and finally turned in for bed. I woke up Saturday morning to a beautiful, but windy day with no plans on the horizon to really talk about. Just a casual day. I ate my breakfast, laid back down, then made my way downstairs to the kitchen for some tea. I soon was favored with their company. We all sat down at the kitchen table, which looks out to a spacious back yard and lakefront view and caught up on life. At times we fell quiet, merely staring out the window into the beautiful view. I htought of my family so many times. I could see my mom, dad, and Alyssa glancing out the windows looking at the very two cardinals I was looking at. A male and a female. And it is interesting how together, the male brings out the absolute beauty of the brownish red female. How perfectly they were created for each other, to complete and compliment! I could see my nephews and niece playing at the edge of the lake, looking for frogs and fish! I could see Stacye and Chad walking around the lake, pondering a ride in the canoes and making fun of the geese! I could see Sheri and Jake sitting in the library, reading about tea and watching a show from the large screen TV. I could just see it all! What peace I felt! And what a view, what peace, what a glorious creation. And I got to experience it all.

Following my morning chat, I promptly went to meet a friend for tea at Tea Geschwendner. I just love tea. I had Desert Moon Green Tea and Pink Grapefruit Green Tea, both shared with my friend, Natalie, and her little girl, Haley (also my newest student).

Following tea, I went "home." I was STARVING. Joe promptly fixed me eggs, toast, and fruit! It was wonderful! Following lunch, the four of us went for target practice. Yes, I will admit, one of my hobbies is shooting guns. It is a rare opportunity, but I do try to get it onw whenever I can! I love the thrill of it! I didn't do to bad either. Got better with each shot during that hour.

Our trip to Cabella's was fascinating. If you have never been, you have to go! What a store. Or museum. Or well, it's huge and diverse! I saw some of the most massive stuffed animals from the wild than I have ever seen before---elephants, zebras, gazelles, lions! Another place my family would absolutely LOVE!

Following Cabella's we went home to a time of singing, chatting, and nothingness! And of course, more tea.

Dinner was fabulous! WE grilled out! I of course, the health freak that I am, had brought my Boca Burger. Yes, I was made fun of. While everyone else enjoyed rather large Ground Beef Burgers, I rather enjoyed, I must say, my Soy-based---rather small--but filling---Boca burger topped with cucumber, tomato, and grilled onion! YUMMY! My favorite. All this with raw veggies! Later we all splurged on air popped popcorn.

Speaking of which. I am fascinated with air popping popcorn now! I am so going to buy one. I am really into the art and time invested in doing things like this----I now grind my own coffee beans, steep my own tea, make my own hummus, and will soon air pop my own popcorn! I really believe there is something to be said about taking the time to do things like this and enjoy the art of it. It forces you to relax a bit!

Sunday morning was again wonderful. After getting ready for church and the day, I just sat and stared out the window. It is funny what times like this do to you. I literally found myself just enjoying the clarity of thought and peace of mind that I was experiencing. Something I had not felt in such a long time due to the stress and pace of life. What a memorable weekend. What a valuable time in my life! It will truly be remembered in the future. It has already affected my music by giving me mental images and dreamy thoughts. And how best to spend it then with loving and God-given friends. How blest I am!

The Beauty of It All!

2008-04-23T11:49:00.000-07:00

As I walked back to work today from my lunch, I just couldn't help but be awed by all that was around me. The sun is shining, the air is clear, the sky is blue, and the birds are chirping! Oh the beauty of it all. I found myself wishing I could bring my work outside. As I look back, it truly was a long, hard winter. But the spring has come. And with it comes the hope of new beginnings, new life, new hope! What excitement! I am also sure that there are new adventures to be had. I can't wait to run towards them.

A Little Bit of Lang!

2008-04-07T06:16:00.000-07:00

Good morning, Friends!

I had a very unique experience this weekend that I just have to pass along. As you all know, I am a vocalist. A die-hard opera buff! To me, singing has always been the essence of all musicianship and musical athleticism, with no comparisons! However, I was proven quite wrong this weekend. I had the opportunity of seeing Lang Lang perform at the Chicago Symphony Center. A full length, two-hour recital of nothing but pure piano music.

I will admit that I didn't know what to expect. Sure I had heard the name, but things outside of opera meant nothing to me. I was going to have a relaxing afternoon of rich music with a couple of friends. That was it. I even asked several people if it was worth going? When they said yes, I purchased a cheap ticket in the Gallery and joined on with my friends last minute.

Wow! I did not know that the piano could sing like that. Now I know that is in the terms of a vocalist, but I honestly don't know how else to describe it. And yes, pure athleticism! What strength of both mind and body it takes to be a musician of any kind. He poured over those keys with such feeling and intensity---sometimes with tenderness, sometimes with an almost barbaric heaviness. Even in the gallery, I could see his very hands flying (or rather not see them), his expression, and his feeling.

And what a musician! Not just a pianist! A MUSICIAN! And an artist. He casually, yet gracefully sauntered onto the stage, lifting his hands in gratitude and acknowledgement of the crowd. Then he sat down, and immediately began to play.

The opening selection was a Schubert. I have never heard the piano played that softly and tenderly. I was literally on the edge of my seat. And the mental imagery it gave me. Sometimes of a little girl passing through a field or a butterfly chasing the breeze. He finished playing and there was instant applause! He walked off stage, then returned (several times) for a bow.

Intermission! And I didn't even realize that the Schubert had gone on for 45 minutes. It was that moving of a performance. It took me away from time and reality.

When we returned from the break, He immediately set in with a set of Bartok pieces. There was no stopping, except between movements. His entire body was bent on playing this work. His hands flew, his feet lifted, his body rocked back and forth. When he finished the first section of the Bartok, the crowd was so amazed at the talent that they had just heard that they erupted into laughter!

The Debussy was of course, beautiful. Picturesque and unique. But the Chopin Polonnaise was of course a crowd favorite. And for a piece so commonly played, he had his own style. And that left hand! Never stopped, never tired! Just played on and on and on! He finished the final chord, and the audience left to their feet with "Bravo, More, Encore" and shouts and whistles! He had reached his audience!

He casually, yet gracefully acknowledged us! Then walked off----and back on---and off---and back on---and off---and back on---and off---and back on! The crowd begged for me. My only thought was, "Surely he will give it to us! Surely he will play more!" He bowed on his fourth return, waved his hands in the air, brought them to his heart, then lightly and artistically, like only a 25 year old young artist can do (with a hint of bratiness), He flipped on his feet and plopped down on the piano bench! And played again. I was shocked. He stilled the crowd with a very graceful, quiet piece. Such pictures, such calmness and serenty!

Again, the crowd erupted and rose to their feet. He acknowledged us several times, then casually and gracefully left the stage, never to return.

However, friends. I count myself amongst the lucky. I got to meet him! And got his autograph, which of course I cannot read! But who cares!

Never again, will I doubt a good pianist. There is a different in a talented and musical pianist and a piano player. How sad that most are in the latter category! Get out, folks. Experience the arts----and good artists! Spend the money. It is worth it. They deserve your respect. They deserve the recognition of acquired excellence! They have worked long and hard---literally poured their time and life into what they do, never looking to the side toward distractions. They have braved the hardships of establishing a career, struggled much, and dared to continue on despite fear of failure, rejection, and harm. Acknowledge them. They are sharing something with you because the want to!

My Turn!

2008-04-03T09:18:00.000-07:00

Hhhhhmmmm! 7 Things about myself.

1. I am an opera singer! That is my niche in life. My first solo was at my church when I was in 4th grade! I sang "Lord I Need You" on a Sunday night. Today, I live in the Chicago Suburbs studying and working to build a career in music---specifically opera. I am a light lyric coloratura soprano that would sing Elixir of Love, Pirates of Penzance, Die Fledermaus---lots of Gilbert and Sullivan, Donizetti, and Mozart!

2. I am also a voice teacher. Yes, I love the whole package---Performing and Teaching. Currently my teaching is a part time job after my full time job office hours. But my students bring me joy and energy. I love them all and love being a part of the lives and music. I have a very talented studio and often find myself bragging on them. I also have a very diverse studio, ranging from 8 years old to 35 of all cultures and races!

3. Like my sister and my mom, I love tea. My favorite place to go is Teavana. My goal is to try all of their teas. I am almost done! :) I love the art of it---the steeping, preciseness of time, measurement, and heating, and the relaxing of it. However, that said, I am also like Stacye that I must have my one cup of coffee several times a week. I love coffee too. Not that syrupy junk, but a good flavored blend of Folgers Gourmet or Eight O'Clock. I am very picky with my coffee. Almost as much as my tea. No Maxwell House for me! Get it right or don't make it at all.

4. I am single. No man in my life yet. And to be quite blunt, I am ok with that. I am enjoying my life. My spare time is filled with the busyness of teaching, researching, practicing, and going out with friends on the weekends. I love attending recitals and concerts at CSO or Lyric Opera. Yet I also enjoy movie nights or game nights with friends. I try to plan one big outing with my friends a weekend---whether Friday night, Saturday, or Sunday afternoon. To me you don't have to spend money to have friends.

5. I literally had a nail drilled into my head when I was young. Yep that was Sheri's fault! We were swinging on our board swings two different ways and crossed just right. The nail put a hole in my head. Guess that is why I have no common sense to this day!

6. My goal is to own a Papillon puppy, teach voice, and sing professionally. I think the small pup goes with the Diva Attitude.

7. HHHMMM! What can I fit in last minute. I don't have a favorite movie, but enjoy movies of all kind---Pride and Prejudice, Hogan's Heroes, Night at the Museum, Lord of the Rings, National Treasure, Seven Brides for Seven Brothers---I consider myself a well-rounded movie watcher! I hate shopping. When I go, I have a list and move in and out! I listen to music of all kinds---classical, sacred, theatre, light, whatever! I actually enjoy shooting! And I like exercising and cooking! :)

So folks, Do I lead a boring life? You be the deciding factor.

Announcement!!!!!!

2008-03-19T06:05:00.002-07:00

I would like everyone to know that one of my best friends, Josh Hummel, was accepted into the Hartt School of Music to Study Composition with a scholarship! God truly does grant us the desires of our hearts!

The Beginning of Busyness!!

2008-03-12T06:13:00.000-07:00

I walked out to yet another glorious day here in Schaumburg, IL! The sun is shining, it is near 50 degrees, the wind was not blowing, and the sky was blue and laden with fluffy white clouds. My walk over to work was simply delightful. The air was so refreshing. How I have come to appreciate these rare days during this still wintry season. (Can you believe that it is supposed to drop to 32 degrees tomorrow, from mid 50s today?)

Of course, I got to my office, was about to sweeten my tea that I was very much looking forward to, had just sat down, and someone knocked on my office door. Immediate bad mood! It was a friend, but I still cannot handle people/work/things before my first drink of something caffeinated in the morning. I had to apologize for not being happy to see her! LOL! We chatted for 10 minutes, and I am finally being able to sit down, breath, and drink my tea----Peach Oolong. Very light tasting. I would say that it is not heavy with Peach, but there is an undertone of it.

Well, today starts my very busy schedule til the end of March. Today, I have a student singing 2 performances. I will warm her up this morning, listen to her performance, work all day, teach 3 lessons after work, and be back at 7 to hear my student sing again. Thursday holds working, judging for some competitions during the day, teaching a late lesson, and a tad bit of practice. Friday holds a full day at work, judging, and a late night trip downtown. Saturday holds some appointments, errands, and cleaning before next week. Sunday, I teach a makeup lesson after church, have a meeting at 4, and evening church. Next week holds appointments, teaching, another student performing, and a trip home Thursday night for the weekend. I have to be back to work on Monday morning to see our group off to Israel which I have coordinated. The rest of the month is busy with appointments and such. So coasting through to April is my next goal. How sad it makes me to be "eventing" March away. Time is passing so quickly. I guess that is why I am so thankful for the small blessings that God sends our way---the sunshine, for instance!

Well, I really must go. I will tell you all about it when things get back to somewhat normal---whatever that is!

Tis the End of a Busy Week

2008-03-07T14:12:00.001-08:00

Well, as I look back over my week, I can definitely say I worked! :) And it ended so busy---with still some to go. I put out a lot of work at my full time job this week. I am coordinating a group trip to Israel, and it consumes much of my time. It has been such a stressful project that you couldn't pay me to go to Israel right now----even to tour!

My part time job was of course enjoyable this week. All my students did well at their lessons following their recital. They all seem encouraged in some way having done it. I am so proud of them all. I have such goals for them. Right now, I am preparing a student for competition next week, and two for church solos. Much to do! Tonight I have to warm the competition student up for a pre-competition performance. But I can't even stay and listen to her sing because of the areas I am judging in the competition next week! What disappointment. But I know she will do well.

Practice went well last night. Worked on my Sunday morning solo! Have some new thoughts I want to experiment with tonight. So I am actually looking forward to practicing tonight. Much to do! Oh, and I ordered my music for my October Concert! I just can't wait. Mozart Exsultate with string accompaniment! I absolutely love that work, and it has been my dream to perform it!

The weekend is up in the air. My family is supposed to come over tomorrow to hear me sing Sunday. But they may get snowed into Indiana. So in short, planning for the weekend is non-existent. My big plans for the weekend--especially with the time change----is rest!!!! I am so tired, but it is a good tired. I have accomplished much this week and am ready to power down!

So, in a few minutes, I am off to practice, then I will go home to a cup of Scarlet Cloud White Tea, Dinner, be back at 7:15 to warm up my student, then finally home to crash!

Personal Reminders

2008-03-06T14:21:00.000-08:00

Hello!!! :) I am currently sitting in my office, obviously not working, drinking my cup of coffee and getting warmth from my heater under me. :) I really have to go to the bathroom, but am waiting on a phone call here in a couple minutes. So the bathroom must wait. So I thought I would write you.

This journey of growth we call sanctification is becoming a fascination for me. Sometimes a frustration. In my worst moments, I fail miserably. In my better moments, I become so ashamed and humbled at what I have missed. In my best moments, I learn to turn my thoughts around and choose to think positively about what God is doing in my life! :)

Like this morning. Do you know it literally hit me this morning how much God really is blessing me right now---with friends, finances, opportunities, music, etc. For instance. People in my SS school class taking an interest in me: One family having me over, another lady and I are going to do Tea some weekend. (And they are all married---and my singleness doesn't bother them, and their marriages don't bother me!!! Like the one lady would bring her little girl, and asked me if I minded. Why would I mind. All my sisters are married, and one of them has 3 kids. That is what I know and have grown up with!). People like Marina inviting me over. My voice families fighting over who would pay for my tea when we went out. My studio recital. The new student I started. I get to judge for a competition and get paid for it!!! One of my students is going to give my name to her church, because they want a voice instructor to come give some master classes and would pay them! I got a cheap ticket to go see Lang Lang---a 23 year old pianist---at CSO. Marissa had a good lesson yesterday, and has a good shot at competition!

I mean, you know, I can't believe myself sometimes. God really does give us the desires of our hearts!!! Sometimes they just don't come fast enough, or sometimes we are looking for the ultimate, big thing that we want---for me that big break in a career. How many times do I neglect the daily blessings! Wow! When all these things hit me this morning, I was so overwhelmed. And a smile actually came to my face! :) How much God loves me. And yet, when I fail and He has to spank me, does He not love me then too? Part of my devotions this morning focused on being created for eternity, not time (the here and now). And what things last for eternity? My relationship with God. His work around me. The work He involves me in to work out His plan in His world.

And I lost my thought!

Anyway! God is doing so much around me. And sometimes I miss it because I am choosing to not see it, or am so bogged down in selfish thoughts that I can't see it. How much I miss during these times.

What a God! To love me as He does. To put up with me as He does! It brings tears to my eyes.
I wish that I could be the perfect mature christian right now. That each day weren't so inconsistent. But that is why God gave us time here on earth. To establish a relationship with Him in order to grow in Him.

No Complaints---yet! :)

2008-03-05T06:10:00.000-08:00

I walked out my door this morning and found it to be an absolutely beautiful day here in Schaumburg! Although it is still very nippy outside, with no wind and the sun shining high in the sky, I couldn't help but wonder if we were getting a small glimpse of a bright and beautiful spring.

Now I am at work, sipping my tea (a Yerba Mate blend) and trying to acclimate to my day! I don't always feel human until I have had my morning tea or coffee. My tea this morning is a new one. It has a very strong earthy taste. Not my favorite of the Mate line, but still good. I like trying new teas everytime I go! Helps me figure out what I do and do not like.

Both of my students did well in their lessons last night. Talk about a huge strata of teaching. One was a 9 year old, the other an adult. Yet both are unique in their own way and have improved so much. Last night with both of them, I worked on head voice techniques. They seemed to understand. We'll see after a weeks worth of practice. But I was able to get the tones light, airy, and spinning. With my adult, I now need to pull the voice back into a frontal position.

I know that each week with my students won't present the perfect scenario of learning and improvement. But you sure to feel like you need to make the most of it when they do improve!

My practice went ok. I will say that I do feel a little better these days. Still tired, and my energy lacks a lot. But in general, I feel better since my surgery. Still miles to go, but time has a natural way of healing if we let it.

Last night I went over my Sunday morning piece, the Mozart Exsultate, and Purcell's "Your Awful Voice." I always get a kick out of singing that last one! It's like the one set by, is it Bernstein, "I hate music, but I love to sing!" Oxymoron! The coloratura on the Purcell went much better than Monday, but that middle section, that first word, I just can't get it to set right! It'll come! Just needs to settle in my voice. I absolutely cannot wait to perform the Mozart. Supposed to be doing a concert in October with strings and piano! We'll see!

Sunday morning's piece has come to mean so much in my life. I feel very urgent about this text! Pray hard that I will get the communication across! The name of the piece is "Ashamed of Jesus?" Of course the answer is that we shouldn't be. But how many of us, if we examined our lives truly are deep down ashamed to call Him our Lord and Savior and Friend. What a thought! What audacity----after He saved us and died for us, showing the ultimate sacrifice of love, how dare we slap Him in the face. And yet we do everyday. Oh, that this piece would continue to grow in my heart!

Well, today is going to be busy. Full day of work, then teaching, then practicing. I am preparing a student for a competition next week. Much to be done! Much to think on til 5:00.

A Recital To Remember

2008-02-29T06:33:00.001-08:00

Last night my private voice studio combined with the private studio of a fellow violinist and gave a community recital. What a success the evening was: from the audience to the performances! I was just so proud of my singers! What enjoyment and fulfillment I find in my teaching!!! And was pleasure I found in offering them a performing venue.

We performed at a community retirement home. I wasn't quite sure what to expect, so we only made 50 programs. We ran out! And my students and their families didn't get those 50 programs.

We gave a recital of classical, theatre, and sacred selections in voice and violin. All ages. The youngest was 7---the oldest 28. Each performed 1-2 pieces. And did so well. I was so proud that my soloists all got their breathing down. Each walked away having learned something about themselves and their singing. My philosophy is to never look at a performance as a failure----one must look at everything as a building block toward success and experience. I had some that missed words, one that forgot to copy a page for the accompanist, one that almost forgot to bow, a couple with poor posture......I could go on! But each covered so well, and truly provided a wonderful evening of music. The folks really seemed to enjoy it!

What did they all do right!!!! Breathing for one!!!!!!!!! They communicated. They all did bow at the time I told them too. And they all got through their pieces with beautiful sounds!

I am so privileged to teach such a talented group of singers.

Of course we went out afterward----those who could anyway! Caribou! Coffee, tea, and fellowship. I do so love being involved in my students' lives! Each is unique in their own way! What a privilege to be a part of that.

My pieces went ok. A constant reminder to me that physically I am not up to par. But I needed to sing last night. Shows me where I am at and what I need to do! I have developed a fear of performing due to the fact that I am afraid my body will not hold up--and it doesn't very well. So I need to work through that. It will take time, but things will get better. I sang Mozart's "Vedrai Carino" and ended with Purcell's "Hark! The Ech'ing Air." The Purcell offered a bit of a humorous event for me. As long as one is professional, anything goes---is what I learned last night!!!!! I started in on the Purcell and from the very beginning new that it was not going well! I couldn't get it in the right position, was singing flat technique-wise, and couldn't get my voice moving. So I promptly stopped right in the middle of the piece, looked at my audience, smiled and said, "Let's start again! This isn't going well, so why don't we just start again!!" They laughed, and very graciously let me start again. The funny thing is, I received comments afterward that everyone thought it was part of the song!!! What a comfort to know that others don't always know when you are not performing up to par! Here is to a steady uphill climb of improvement!

A Full, Tiring, but Fulfilling Day

2008-02-26T08:45:00.000-08:00

My voice lesson yesterday afternoon went fairly well! But then, I would consider most of my lessons to go well. They are such an enjoyment for me, and bring along a breath of fresh air. I felt a little out of control of my voice, and didn't feel quite up to par, but Judy said it sounded fine. So we'll just trust the teacher. That is why vocalists will always need another ear to hear them. Because we cannot hear our true sound, because everything affects the voice, and because we have to go by feel, we will always need teachers and coaches!

I haven't been sleeping well recently, so I think that may account for the off-day---and I have had a lot on my mind lately. Anyway.

We sang through my Mozart, Vedrai carino and my Purcell, Hark! The Ech'ing Air. I am singing them for the studio recital on Thursday evening. I wanted to be sure they were in line! I did some translation work on the Mozart over the weekend and really feel that I am starting to understand the piece. The Purcell, well was a bit frustrating! I couldn't get the memory! And I am so hard on myself! Judy is so good about helping me chill out! But what a fast and energetic piece. I love it. Lots of colortura and fire!

We went over a French Liszt piece that I am starting. I do enjoy singing art songs! This one is proving interesting. It has some very graceful lines that I am trying to work into my voice on a sigh! We made some real headway on it, as she encouraged me to take my time through the lines----con grazia does mean "with grace" I should have known! DUH! I did some literal translation on this one over the weekend. I know I shouldn't be, but I am always amazed at how much that really does help, rather than just taking what they have at the front of the book as a literal translation.

We ended my lesson by singing an old aria that I am keeping up for auditions. I LOVE the piece. "Quel guardo il cavaliere" from Don Pasquale by Donizetti. I love Donizetti too! This piece takes a lot of strength and energy! Lots of coloratura and high notes. Very expressive too. It took a lot out of me to sing it, but it felt so good to sing it! I had so much fun and was just so thankful to actually have some energy left over to want to sing it. I was pretty tired by Monday evening though!

After my lesson, I made my way back to Schaumburg in the midst of a beginning snow storm! Yes, folks, Chicago got dumped on again! But it is beautiful. I did have one stop to make. Walmart! I am an avid tea drinker, and have to use spring water with my loose leaf teas. So it is very convenient to stop by on my way back home every two weeks to get 4 one gallon jugs of water. I must look like a dork though carrying them all by hand up to the counter. They always ask me if I would like to have them bagged! Of course I want them bagged. It isn't like I didn't just struggle up to the counter with them. Do they think I am going to struggle all the way to my car.

I did make it home in good time. Stopped and practiced real quick. I wanted to be sure I could completely get through my two pieces for Thursday. I did, then went home to a wonderful meal of meatloaf, broccoli, and salad. So ended a very full, tiring, but fulfilling day!

An Inspiring Night of Barber!

2008-02-24T14:47:00.000-08:00

Friday night was an incredible evening for me---filled with delicious food, fabulous company, and a perfect performance of Rossini's Barber of Seville. My friend and I went downtown Chicago for what we hoped would be an enjoyable evening. We were quite delighted that we were treated to a superb evening.

We started out at Emil's--which I highly recommend. A little pricey, but perfect for before-the-opera formal dining. I had Lake Superior White Fish with a citrus glaze, steamed vegetables, and a mixture of hummus, tomato, and artichoke dip. INCREDIBLE!!!!! The fish was topped with a thin layer of glaze, the citrus part coming from three thin slabs of lemon, orange, and grapefruit rounds. I believe my veggies were asparagus and carrots. The dip was fabulous. I have never had hummus! But I am now a fan of it! I ate every bite of fish and veggies on my plate. Mary had grouper, which she gave me a small bite of. (Don't worry, I shared as well, giving her a bite of my white fish). I did prefer my entree, but hers was good too. :) After dinner, we sat for an hour and talked over several cups of green tea. What a perfect way to end dinner! But then, I am an avid tea drinker. The company was truly enjoyable! I often forget how much I truly miss musical surroundings. We talked music, family, personal lives............everything. Covering several topics of conversation, we definitely got to know each other more. I truly respect my friend. What a blessing to have her in my life. Someone to learn from, as she is a very experienced, wise, well-rounded person; but also a fellow musician to share my field with.

After Emil's, we made our way over to Lyric Opera. It wa a full house. But the operahouse is such an inspiring place for me to be. Actually we were both very excited to be there, as we had been planning this trip for months. We were on the main floor, and we had opera glasses. We got our program and made our way to our seats. Perfect! We were right in front of the stage.

From the moment the overture started, I was in heaven. Here I was, able to be involved (even if just by ear) in what I love most on this earth, hearing top notch artists (Joyce DiDonato, Nathan Gunn, and John Osborne), viewing an opera that is close to my fach of voice. And never have I seen such a perfectly professional production!!!!! Literally in every way---from the staging, to the singing, to the acting, to the playing. And such athleticism. Rossini didn't write for wimps. It takes full athletic ability and strength to sing these roles. So it was good for me to see what will be required of me some day. Now I know why taking care of my body is to important. The coloratura in Barber is very demanding---fast and constant. But I heard every note. The staging was very complex----even when the main characters were doing their thing, the others on stage were still very much a part of the action. For instance, there was one moment when the tenor and soprano are singing of their love, and the two baritones are off to the side, playing a chess game in slow motion, so as not to distract. Fabulously done! Nathan Gunn is a top notch actor. He played Figaro. You humorously meet Figaro as he is getting up in the morning---in only his night shorts. And he played it up! Joyce DiDonato very cleverly gave us all sides of Rosina. And John Osborne held his own both vocally and wittingly!

Needless to say, I got home at midnight. Yes, it lasted three hours. But it was so well done, that it didn't seem like three hours. I could go the rest of my life and never see anything as good as that. Chicago definitely holds its own. And it was so inspiring to me as a young, aspiring artist. To know that that could be the end result of what I am working towards now. WOW!!!!!!!! I walked away with so many questions for my teacher! And I can't wait til tomorrow to ask her! How do they do that! How do they do it physically? How does her voice move that quickly without bumps? How does one become that involved in a character? How! How! HOW!!!!!!!

I can say that I truly felt honored to have heard these men and women sing! I know that sounds trite and shallow coming from a nobody! But what a privilege to share in their art! What a goal they have given me to reach for!

Well, I must go now! This looks to be a busy week for me. My students are giving a studio recital! I have a little work left to do on it! They are all so excited! I am so glad to have been able to give them this opportunity. I will hopefully be performing a few pieces of my own. I'll let you know how it goes!

Encouraging Thoughts from the Eyes of a Musician!

2008-02-22T06:21:00.000-08:00

Setting out on your own, growing up, supporting yourself, and starting a career all in one blow is not the easiest thing in the world! Yet that is exactly what I have been attempting to do over the last year and a half. I will not lie to you that it has been an easy, enjoyable ride! No, rather the contrary. It has been very hard. There is a reason we have the term growing pains! But here are the harsh realities:

Setting out on my own: Has been lonely! If I were not so sure that this is a calling that will be used by God in His perfect timing, I would go home to my family. I miss them dearly! So what am I going to do about it? I am thinking about getting a dog! :) A Papillon. Look it up! They are adorable. French for butterfly. So you can see why the artsy in me was drawn by it, as I once sang a piece about a butterfly!

Growing up: Well, a harsh reality that life isn't a bed of roses that little fairies play in from sun up to sun down. Learning that daddy and mommy can't fix it all anymore brings a lot of hurt to a young life. Oh they can give advice and encouragement, but they cannot make the decisions for you. So what am I going to do? I am learning to take life one day at a time, using each moment to grow in the Lord. How special my relationship with Him has become! I am truly learning to take things to Him in prayer!

Supporting myself: Well, I live in Chicago! That should say it all! I work a full time job and run a part time voice studio on the side after my full time job hours. I have learned the importance of reading all the paperwork of my insurance, faced the crisis of paying large doctor bills, now fill my own gas tank, and have learned (kinda) how to make a grocery list and shop for weekly meals! I am big on coupons and clearance racks, and am learning to live within a budget! In recent days I have been forced to learn how to pace myself and conserve energy! So how do I like this? Does it matter?! It is necessary!

Starting a Career: Well, definitely wasn't what I thought it was going to be! But yet I wouldn't change it for the world. After work and teaching, I practice---faithfully every night! I do language study, song study, and research on composer intent! Coupled with my lessons, I am basically doing the equivalent of going to school! What a breath of fresh air and wealth of learning I find in each lesson! I have to be extremely disciplined with my eating, sleeping, exercise, and daily regimen of life, as my body is my instrument. It requires the utmost care. In recent days I have, once again, been forced to realize the importance of taking care of the entire body. I will admit that I haven't done a very good job and have seen the consequences. But I truly believe it is all part of the process of becoming a full time musician. There are so many elements physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually that we have to work through!

So is it worth it? Has it been worth it?

Well...........let me put it this way. I asked myself this very question earlier this week! I got slammed with several disappointments all within a few moments (no need to go into them). I literally considered at one moment calling my parents and asking them if I could come home. What a price I have paid and only to get to this point, I thought! Physically deteriorated, mistrusting of people, always tired, always running from one thing to the next, feeling as though I am stuck on a shelf (and mind you, the very back, dark corner of the shelf).

And then I stepped out to a quiet place! I cried, and I prayed. I gave it to the Lord, commiting, once more, to trust and wait.

Later that day I also came across the website of Hilary Hahn, violinist. To read the honest thoughts of a full time musician was so inspiring. The connection you feel with other musicians is unexplainable! I completely understood what she meant when she said that she loved her practicing. They were times of utmost energy when she could lock herself away from everything else and focus on her passion!

As the week went on, yes, I still fought battles in my mind! But life didn't seem so bad! Last night as I walked home from teaching (my student had a fabulous lesson, by the way), I couldn't help but think of how much joy and energy teaching my students--passing along this wonderful art--and being involved in their lives gave me.

And I answered my own question! Is it worth it?

YES! To think that after all the hard work and pain of the daily grind, some day, I get to share my art and my God-given gift with others! I get to do something I love! And on top of all that, when that part of my life is over, I get to retire into something I love---I get to pass along my wonderful art to young lives and voices that will come after me through teaching. What hope!

It literally made me think of the spiritual walk! After the pain of growth and conviction. After the weeding out of sin and the refining of the Master's Hand, we get to experience a God of love and share Him with others around us. And when this life is over, we get to retire into something we love---God and Heaven! What hope!